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Post by brijinder on Oct 12, 2007 1:30:29 GMT 5
Tabbsaum saheb,I am thankful to you for pointing it out in the begning about retainging the decorum of the forum and not getting personal.That is very much essential and I am thankful. About Shaheen saheb's point of view,I can not say anything if he does not consider Parvin Shakir and Ali sardar jafri as poets of substance.Simply no-comments though I intended to give azaad nazms of faraaz,Kaifi and Faiz as well to bolster my point of view. One more thing,to ask why did the poets like Ghalib etc not compose in azaad/nacri form is to question why the people of ,say 10th or 11th century could not invent airplane etc.if they were truly great. To me,It is simply an evolution of thought and and is not a reflection of any kind on their capacites. People must have objected very seriously when some one had composed a poem with wazan but doing away with the rest of the traditional craft.But slowly it came to be accepted.No forms,new thoughts require people to change the perspective,learning of new aesthetic tools. As Atif saheb said,"Qafia is not importent for a poem but for Ghazal Qafia, Radeef and Behr is the most importent requirements." I agree to it provided we are writing ghazal but for other forms of poetry,it should not be essential. A I wrote earlier that in almost all the major languages of the world,free-verse is the norm rather than the exception now.The great poets like Walt Whitman,Sylvia Plath and numerous others composed their poetry in this form and so will we still not recognize it because we are not ready to explore,to adapt to the new parameters? This debate is to initiate an honest debate But not to get personal,to mock as Tabassum saheb has very rightly said.Let us keep this way.This is my request too. Regards brijinder
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Post by brijinder on Oct 11, 2007 1:01:25 GMT 5
Fatimah saheba and Tabassum saheb, Thanks a lot for giving your candid opinion.It is implicit in human nature to explore and experiment.What I am suggesting is nothing new.It is only our conditionings which stops us from all that.As in painting,the poetry too has undergone a great experimentation.The free-verse has a very respectable niche in all te major languages.As I wrote earlier also that even our own great poets have tries their hand in that form.They all had excellant grip on the craft of wazan and behar,why then did they ventured out of that?That is a question which has answers with in itself. To me,each form has its own beauty.I will only say that our love for the rose should not make us biased against beauty of other flowers,Sir. Regards brijinder
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Post by brijinder on Oct 9, 2007 8:46:40 GMT 5
A case for azaad/nacri shayri
First of all,I apologise for writing in english in this urdu forum.As i have informed earlier too,urdu is not my mother tongue but my love.Poetry,in urdu,happens to me though many times I have to grope for the right words.But I am not very comfortable in urdu prose.I hope that the readers will be magnanimous enough to excuse me for this handicap of mine n I will be tolerated with grace. I came to love urdu poetry through the traditional lyrical poetry.I came to be mesmerised by Faiz,Sahir,Kaifi,Faraaz,parvin,Josh n what not.They started me on a wonderful aesthetic journey.With the passage of time as I explored,I came to know n then appreciate newer forms of poetry which donot adhere to traditional forms BUT are still valid modes of expression.This is human being's thirst for experimentation n exploration which brought in many forms in all branches of Art.Free verse has already got a very respectable place in almost all of the world's litrature. When i started browsing urdu poetry sites,one thing that struck me as highly disturbing was the way poetry which was not "pabaNd" of wazan n behr was being consigned to the amateuris sections.It was as if the ONLY criteria for good poetry was the mathematical precision of the arrangement of words.It was sad n amazing thing at the same time.When the litrature world over is undergoing explosive changes n experimentations,when our own great poets like Faiz,Faraaz,Kaifi,Parvin etc had attempted poetry in free verse,we the net denizens seemed to be living in past.We at few sites were refusing to acknowledge these winds of change. What are the aesthetic parameters of a good poem?To me,the main perquisite of a mature poem are the emotional intensity,intellectual clarity or psychological insights.A poem which is so intense that it pulsates and have a life of its own.It doesnt matter if it obeys the traditional principals of wazan n behr.We can find numerous poems which are very precise n mathematical in their arrangement of wobut are essentially forgettable poems. So my submission is to measure the poetry on some aesthetic parameter as is being done in other litratures.We have forums for mature poetry which categorically state that the main perquisite is "shayri jo wazan aur behr maiN ho"Plz let us follow the aesthetic and not mathematical parameters.If the great poets could attempt to compose in free-verse then we will be being just hypocrites not to do so.I have been posting free verse poems of such great poets recently just because of it. The idea is to start an honest n introspective debate within each of us.I hope I will succeed in that.This is my humble submission. believe raising an issue n trying to start a debate is quite healthy n pregressive.I will rather have that people come forward and give their perspective with scholarship rather than getting personal/mocking/condenscending.I may be terribly wrong but we will learn only if we come with open minds -to listen n contemplate and also being ready to confront our own conditionings. Poetry happens to me most of the time n as i earlier said that many times I have to grope for the right word.i am not lucky like most of you who have such advantage.If you are insistent about talking ONLY about my handicap n not what I wanted to raise then I will just stop saying anything at all. I will only say that dont let the craftsmen in us hijack the ARTIST in us.Art grows with exploration,experimentation n debate where as CRAFT always wants the security of known.
Regards Brijinder"Sagar"
Azaad nazms by famous poets: Azaad nMuqaddar-- Parvin Shakir
MaiN woh larki hooN Jisko pehli raat Koi ghuNghat utha kay yeh keh day-- Mera sub kuch tera hai,dil kay siwa -------------------------------------------------
Tu mujhay itnay pyaar say mar daikh -Ali sardar jafri
Tu mujhay itnay pyaar say mat daikh Teri palkoN kay naram saayay maiN Dhoop bhi chaNdni si lagti hai Aur mujhay kitni door jaanaa hai Rait hai garm,PaoN kay chaalay YooN dehktay haiN,jaisay aNgaaray Pyaar ki yeh nazar rehay na rehay Kaun dasht-e-wafa maiN jalta hai Teray dil ko khabar rahay na rahay Tu mujhay itnay pyaar say mat daikh ---------------------------- Tunay Kabhi Socha -Parvin shakir
Gila kumgoyi ka mujhsay bajaa hai Lekin ai jaan-e-sukhan ! Tunay kabhi socha Ki teri simt jab maiN Aankh bhar kar daikhti hooN to Meri halki sunhari jild kay neechay Achanak Itnay dhairoN nanhaiN nanhaiN say diyay KyuN jalnay lagaty haiN? ------------
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Post by brijinder on Oct 1, 2007 4:56:56 GMT 5
I am very thankful toyou for the kind words of appreciation.I hope this poem initiates a very honest spiritual enquiry within each of us,as it did to me,and lets us re-examine our prejudices,value systems and may we have the spiritual courage to say aloud to the hijackers of our religions-hindus,muslims,sikhs alike-that we will not let them sow poisons in the young minds and shower hatred everywhere.We stand together against all this and our religion does not teach us the lesson of hatred narrow mindedness. Regards brijinder"Sagar"
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Post by brijinder on Sept 28, 2007 2:23:33 GMT 5
This poem got written when sikh fundamentalism in punjab was at its peak.Hatred and narrow vision was being bandied as the divine revelation.Many of my co-religionist-sikhs,were indulging in inhuman acts,killing inoocent hindus-all in the name of name of religion.They had hypnotised themselves into beleiving that these dastardly and inhuman acts will earn them a place in so-called heaven n their acts had divine sanctions.Most of the people were condoning this senselessness either being quite or believing in intrpetations of the religion being given by these so-called religious fanatics. The condemnation should have had come from my own community loud and clear that this is not what our religion teaches us.But sadly the silence,out of cowardice was there.And we had to pay a big price for that.Ofcourse there were few and far who spoke and few of them were killed for that.This poem was dedicated to those few spiritually courageous people.I hope this poem will start a fresh thinking about our beliefs,our value systems,our acts of silence.
Subah-e-Nau
Yeh Subah-e-nau hai umeed ki kirnaiN phootiN haiN Phir say larzay haiN hosh kay aariz Zehan-e-dana ki zanjeer-ekhauf tootiN haiN
Muskurai phir say roothi sadaqat ki saba Gaayi phir say pathrai muhabbat ki zabaaN Teray jaagnay say bahaaroN kay phir aasaar banay haiN
Shub bahut taweel thi zehar bahut piya humnay Hajoom kay khumaar kay sabab kuch is tarah jiya humnay
Dum tor gayay kitnay azeez aaNkhoN kay saamnay Wehshat ga rahi thi kyuNki muhabbat kay naam say Kal talak jo humniwaala thay kaafir ho gayay Apnay hi mazhuboN say baNday munkir ho gayay
Woh to jalaai thiN shammaiN paghaMbroN nay muhabbat ki Kaisi bani unsay magar yeh aag nafrat ki?
Tum sotay rahay dana aur yeh saazish barti hi gayi Teray bina yeh bheer sooli-e-ghaphlat charti hai rahi
Khauf-e-hajoom tha tumhaqiN kahin waisy hi uktahat Magar idhar barti hi gayi tehzeeb ki ghabrahat Aur sadaqat-o-ishq kay paaoN main partay rahay chaalay Taareekh ki aaNkhoN maiN umratay hi rahay badal ghanay kaalay
Ab tu jaagaa hai to auro ko bhi jagaa day Behosh saraaboN maiN chasma-e-ulfat banaa day Day day phir say tehzeeb ki saaNsoN ko rawaani Mazhub ko phir say rooh-e-mazhub dila day.
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Post by brijinder on Oct 1, 2007 4:56:14 GMT 5
I am thankful to both of u for the kind words of appreciation.
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Post by brijinder on Sept 21, 2007 1:50:29 GMT 5
This again got writeen in the soil of ghazal but does not follow the rules of wazan n behr.So your suggestions are invited PROVIDED the intensity and what i wanted to to convey is not lost.I also want to keep the expression"paichdgi kay khum".Plz also give your feedback about the emotive and intellectual depth or the lack of it.It is more importent to me.
Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai Teray meray ishq ki baat ab faqt kahani lagti hai Ban ke lahu takh/leeq mirii kii ragh ragh men woh behti hai Larki jo naadaan kabhii ,kabhii bahut siyaanii lagti ha Eik ahad par maiN ne guzaarii tanha apnii umr tamaam Aaj koyii soche to shaayad bahut hairaanii lagti hai Kehnay ko gar na ho kuch to daal do paychedgi kay khum Jo baat samajh na aayay yahaaN woh baat ruhaani lagti hai Us se baRh kar bhi haseen hoNgay "sagar" magar Achi itni phir kyuN mujhko woh mar jaani lagti hai ----------------------
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Post by brijinder on Oct 9, 2007 0:24:50 GMT 5
Fortunately the growth,in any field,is not dependent on our personal world-view.The same goes for the litrature.Whether you like it or not,free-verse has become to occupy a very respectable niche all over the world's languages.Perhaps you have not cared to read what is happening in english ,or for that mantter all major languages, for the last 50 or more years. I wonder what will you say to all our great urdu poets who were experimental enough to explore in that form and come out with some beautiful poems. A very poignant poem. Anguished cry of a woman.
Majboori
HawaaiN DastakoN maiN mera naam lay rahi haiN MaiN,kiwaar kaisay kholuN Meray dono haath Pusht ki taraf baNdhay huay haiN
-------------------------------- Please do not take it as my mocking you but I said merely to evoke an honest questioning. Regards brijinder
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Post by brijinder on Oct 8, 2007 4:06:24 GMT 5
Atif saheb,Thanx a lot for the suggestion.ir,I am not a poet of traditional form-of wazan and behr.I write free verse mainly.To me,poetry is a tool to understand myself and the word around me and not merely a game to set words in attractive order only.Free verse is a very respectable form of poetry and of late it has started getting its due in urdu litrature as well.Many of our great contemporary poets have composed many poems in this form as well,like Parvin Shakir,Faiz,Faraaz,Kaifi etc. I wrote in the starting of my post that I am open to suggestions as this poem got written in the traditional form of whichi never claim to have great knowlewdge. Yes! you too are invited to suggest changes in it PROVIDED it does not change what I want to communicate. Regards brijinder
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Post by brijinder on Oct 6, 2007 0:36:15 GMT 5
Tabassum saheb,I am sorry for replying late.Thanx a lot for te kind words.
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Post by brijinder on Sept 14, 2007 2:02:25 GMT 5
This poem got written in the soil of ghazal but does not obey the principles.So it is open to suggestions,PROVIDED these do not compromise WHAT I wanted to convey.
NigaahaiN tujh say ai dost milaauN kahaaN say
NahiN milti meri duniya teray jahaaN say
Tujhay khauf khud say tu jiyay mehfiloN maiN
Tanha lagay mujhay ab majmay sub yahaaN say
Ajnabi ban kay lagay milnay chehray aashna say
Chupkay say uthkay aa gaya maiN isliyay wahaaN say
Meri tarah meri duniya maiN aanaa "sagar'
Chaaho jo kabhi aanaa uth kay apnay jahaaN say
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Post by brijinder on Sept 6, 2007 1:26:06 GMT 5
Maddah Say-2
YaqeeN khud pay to mujhay hi nahiN TumhaiN kyuN mujh say aqeedat ho Fiqr meri maiN shaamil haiN Hadd-e-junooN say paray tak kay bhi khyaal MaiN khwaaboN ko rang-e-bu say Taraashnay ki jurrat rakhta hooN
MaiNnay daikhay haiN hawas maiN pakeeza jalway Aur taqaddus maiN fahaashi kay imqaaN MaiN taraadeed ki hooN saraapaa tasveer Diwana hooNsaudai hooN aur na jaanay kya kya MaiN ajeeb shakhs hooN meray dost Soch kay baraanaa mujh tak dosti ka haath.
--------------------------------------- Rang-e-bu-- Colour of the smell.This metaphor is to convey my sense of experimentation,my quest to explore the unconventional
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Post by brijinder on Aug 28, 2007 12:45:02 GMT 5
Maddah Say (if there is any)
Meri takhleeq say to tu mayoos hi hoga Na to lafzoN say taraashaa hai Inquilaab ka bharam mainay Na hi takhleeq meri mai hai Kisi jahaad ki pukaar Na farda ka koi dilfareb saraab Na hi maazi ka paihum israar
Na hi ismaiN hai fusoon-e-alfaaz kay kartab Na hi nashist lootnay kay andaaz Aur maflooj zehanoN kay qaabil nahiN Ki ismaiN hai imkaan-e-sad-parwaaz
----------------------------------------- * The word "jehaad" has been used in broader context.It is to convey the holy wars of every religion that includes religion of my birth as well.
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Post by brijinder on Aug 17, 2007 2:39:25 GMT 5
There may some typo errors.Plz point out.and any other mistakes as well.
Qafus Apnay Apnay
Koi tanha jab bhi hota hai Koi InsaaN tab hi hota hai
Jab bhi daikhta hooN chayhroN kay samaNdar Bus khauf daikhta hooN ya bayparwa paataa hooN Yeh samaNdar ajnabi samjhay mujhay Jab bhi baataiN ishq-o-daanai ki bataataa hooN
Yeh jaloos-e-beparwaa sadaaqat say door Ahud unkay apni nasamjhi pay maghroor
Gar suljhay nahi insay zeest kay taqaazay ChorayN raah-e-ilm aur maNzar-e-ishq say bhaagaiN MehfiloN maiN khud ko dubo kar yeh samjaiN- Yahi zindagi hai ki soyaiN aur jaagayN
Aur udhar Khaufzadon ka hai yeh nazaaraa Khauf-e-namaloom kay aivuz ta umr Kiya haram-o-dair main guzaaraa
KahiN butoN ki pooja kahin saleeboN ki baNdagi Kahi azaanoN ka bharam kahiN kitaaboN maiN khudkushi
Khauf ko samajh kay bekhauf ho jaanaa Hai uljhi karioN ka suljhaanaa Hai ishq-o-ilm kay nau manaazir ka nazaaraa Hai kai raah-e-daanaa ka khul jaaanaa
Jo baat karta hooN aisi quwwat ki To nazar aati haiNhairut say taNgi aaNkhaiN Beparwa aankhaiN aur sard jami aaNkain
Khilli uraataa hai beparwaa nighaahoN ka majmaa Ya phir dastur-e-zabaaNbandi sikhaataa hai khuafzadaa
Meri talaash talaash aadmi ki Khud maiN pinhaa raushni ki
LauNga baghhawat in khuaf kay ghulaamoN maiN Aur ahsaas-e-zimmaydaari beparwaa maqaamon maiN
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Post by brijinder on Aug 17, 2007 2:38:21 GMT 5
Sagar saheb,I am thankful for these very warm words of appreciation.
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