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Post by brijinder on Sept 21, 2007 1:50:29 GMT 5
This again got writeen in the soil of ghazal but does not follow the rules of wazan n behr.So your suggestions are invited PROVIDED the intensity and what i wanted to to convey is not lost.I also want to keep the expression"paichdgi kay khum".Plz also give your feedback about the emotive and intellectual depth or the lack of it.It is more importent to me.
Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai Teray meray ishq ki baat ab faqt kahani lagti hai Ban ke lahu takh/leeq mirii kii ragh ragh men woh behti hai Larki jo naadaan kabhii ,kabhii bahut siyaanii lagti ha Eik ahad par maiN ne guzaarii tanha apnii umr tamaam Aaj koyii soche to shaayad bahut hairaanii lagti hai Kehnay ko gar na ho kuch to daal do paychedgi kay khum Jo baat samajh na aayay yahaaN woh baat ruhaani lagti hai Us se baRh kar bhi haseen hoNgay "sagar" magar Achi itni phir kyuN mujhko woh mar jaani lagti hai ----------------------
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Post by subhanoor on Sept 24, 2007 23:47:36 GMT 5
Kehnay ko gar na ho kuch to daal do paychedgi kay khum Jo baat samajh na aayay yahaaN woh baat ruhaani lagti hai
bohat hi sachi baat ...jis ka izhar app nai bohat hi khubsurti k sath kia hai daad kabool kijiye sumaira
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Sept 26, 2007 22:42:55 GMT 5
Bohat Khoob Brijinder sahib
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Post by brijinder on Oct 1, 2007 4:56:14 GMT 5
I am thankful to both of u for the kind words of appreciation.
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