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Post by dilshad on Jun 4, 2008 21:36:52 GMT 5
salam _o_alaekum ,
gazal pesh hai , aap ki aaraa ka muntazir hoon ,
dilshadnazmi
moar_rikh azmat_e_rafta ki jab tafseer tak pahoncha
mere kashkol ka shajra meri jageer tak pahoncha
takab_b_ur inkesar_e_ zaat ki tanweer tak pahoncha
main ik chat_taan thaa , tuta tou phir ta_a_meer tak pahoncha
hamari be hissi jab maslehat ki pusht par aaei hamara paa'on khud hi halqa_e_zanjeer tak pahoncha
falak bosi dhamako'n se huwi thee sarnago'n ,lekin
dhuwaa'n bagdad , kabul , wadiy_e_kashmir tak pahoncha
kamaa'n rakh di mere dushman ne la kar mere qadmo'n par
mera josh_e_shahadat khud machal kar teer tak pahoncha
kabhi khamooshiyaa'n dilshad nazmi mujh me dar aaei'n
kabhi aawaz ka path_thar meri tash_heer tak pahoncha [/color][/color][/b]
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Post by dilshad on Jun 4, 2008 21:15:42 GMT 5
salam _O_alaekum ,
main aap tamami arakeen_e_bazm se darkhwast karta hoon ke kisi bhi takhleeq par sirf waah waah kah kar hi iktefa na karein , balkey jo kuch aap ke zahn me uss gazal ya nazm ke hawaley se aaey tou , aap koshish karein ke kuch likhein , take baat aagey tak jaey , aur eak dusrey ke seekhne ka samaan paeidah ho sake . shukriya mukhlis dilshadnazmi
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Post by dilshad on Jun 4, 2008 21:11:05 GMT 5
Aik purani ghazal paish-e-khidmat hai, umeed hai keh aap apni qeemti rray nay zaroor nawazaiN gay.
atif bhai ,
salam _o_alaekum ,
aap ki gazal nazar nawaz huwi . gazal pasand aaei , aur mujhey aesa kuch bhi mahsoos nahi huwa ke main kisi janib nishandahi karoo'n , saaf suthri , chust durust , aur saadah saadah mazameen ....atif bhai majmooei tour par kamiyab gazal hai , yon tou har sher ach_cha hai , lekin sare mazmoon eak hi rang ke hain , sirf maqta hi eak aesa sher hai jis ne mujhey chaonka diya , maqtey me aap ne bahot bad>hi baat kahi hai , iss sher ki agar nacr ki jaey aur tafseela 'n bayan kiya jaey tou kaei eak safhey qalamband hongey !
atif bhai hamari shaeri in sare mazameen ka bhi taqazah ham se karti hai , jo aaj ki eak bahot ahem zaroorat hai , agar sher ki surat koi eak hadeec ya quraan shareef ke hawaley se koi baat qari tak ham pahoncha pate hain tou, yeh bahot bad>hi baat hai . maqtey ke liye main aap ko tah_e_dil se mubarak baad pesh karta hoon , qabool farmaiye
mukhlis dilshadnazmi
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Post by dilshad on Jun 3, 2008 17:20:26 GMT 5
neha ji
adaab ,
nazm pasand aaei, mubarak baad qabool kijiye ,
mukhlis
dilshadnazmi
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Post by dilshad on May 31, 2008 18:44:33 GMT 5
muhtram dilshad nazmi wa alikum us salam pehli martaba aap say hamkalaam ho raha hoon maen shairi kay ilm ka talib hoon aur jahan say bhi milta hai usay fauran seekhnay ki koshish karta hoon is bazm maen bahut say loogon say mulaqaat kar kay meray ilm maen izafa howa aaj aap say mulaqaat bhi is hawalay say bharpoor rahi ghazal par is tawajjo ka bayhad shukriya baqi jo aitraazaat aap naen uthaey haen wo bahut say doston naen nahen uthaey is liey jamhori taqazoon ko madd e nazar rakhtay howay hi maen kissi nateejay par pahunch sakta hoon kiyon kay meray zehn maen jo tha wo ghazal ko sorat maen aap kay samnay hai bilkul wesay jesay aap naen mehsoos kiya aur likh diya maen naen bhi jo mehsoos kiya likh diya Allah Saeen aap kay ilm maen mazeed izafa farmaen [ b]bhai . nadeem
salam _o_alaekum ,
bahot suljha huwa jawab aap ne inayet kiya , shukriya . main bhi yehi chahta hoon ke har koi apni kawish ko mukhtalif nuqta_e_nigaah se parakh le aur mukhtalif logo'n ke khayalat uss takhleeq ke hawaley se yekja kar le tab kisi nateejey par pahonchey , a_aen mumkin hai ke jo baat mujhe samajh nahi aa rahi ho usse koi dusra wazah kar de , yahaan ham har kisi se kuch na kuch seekhte hain , yehi jazba hamare qalam ko mazeed rawani ata karta hai
khush rahein dilshadnazmi[/b][/color]
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Post by dilshad on May 30, 2008 18:24:20 GMT 5
aik ghazal aap tamaam dostoon ki nazr khaas taur par Akhtar Shumaar ki aamad ki nazr
har aik saaNs pay dhaRka kay Akhri to naheN milay dobara agar aysi zindagi to naheN
achanak Ana tumhara aur is qadar chahat kaheN ye dost meri Akhri khushi to naheN
to kiyoN na tujh say teri guftago hi ki jaey teray ilaawa yahaN mera koi bhi to naheN
ham ehl e ishq baRay waza daar hotay haeN hamari Ankh maeN dekho kahiN nami to naheN
faseelaeN chaTnay walay mujhay bataeN nadeem kahaeN zameen pay ye Akhri sadi to nahen
dua go Nadeem Bhabha nadeem sahib , salam _O_alaekum ,
aap ki khoobsurat gazal nazar nawaz huwi , bhai yaqeen janiye pahli baar aap ka klaam pad >hne ka itefaaq huwa , bahot muras_sa aur chust gazal hai , lehja aur klaam ki rawani kah rahi hai ke mashq_e_sukhan ko arsa huwa hai, meri janib se iss gazal par dher sari mubarak baad qabool farmaein , har aik saaNs pay dhaRka kay Akhri to naheN milay dobara agar aysi zindagi to naheN
matley ka ulaa micra bahot khoob hai aur chust hai , lekin cani misrey me aap ne mujh kam ilm ko mushkil me daal diya , mile ,,,dubara ,,, agar ,, yeh tukrey meri samajh me aane se qasir hain , baat saaf nahi huwi ? aap kahena keya chahte hain , wazahat farmaein tou nawazish hogi !!!!! keya aap kahnna chahte hain ke ,,, agar dubara zindagi mili tou aesi hi tou nahi mile gi , ya kuch aur !!!
achanak Ana tumhara aur is qadar chahat kaheN ye dost meri Akhri khushi to naheN
ach_cha sher hai . besakha kaha gaya lagta hai , rawani hai sher me . kahein koi gunjlak aur jhol nahi , bahot khoob
to kiyoN na tujh say teri guftago hi ki jaey teray ilaawa yahaN mera koi bhi to naheN yeh sher bhi aap ne bahot kamal ka kaha hai , ke pahela lafz hi aesa chuna ke jis ke baad qari ki dilchaspi sher ko pad>hne ke liye mazeed bad>h jaey , tou kiyo'n na ,,, ka tukra misre me jaan dalta nazar aata hai , aur iss tarah kahene ka saleeqa jab kisi me dar aaey tou woh bahot se shoa_ara se kuch munfarid nazar aane lagta hai , daaad qabool kijiye .
ham ehl e ishq baRay waza daar hotay haeN hamari Ankh maeN dekho kahiN nami to naheN
ulaa micra bahot khoob hai , magar aap ne cani me sirf eak aankh dekhne ki hi baat ki hai , jab ke aap kah rahe hain ke hamari aankh me dekho !!!! hamari kah kar aankh ke aansoo deklhney ki baat ho rahi hai , agar aap yon kahtey ke
hamari aankho'n me dekhein !! kahein nami tou nahi ?? tou shayed mere khayal se baat kuch behtar lagti .. khaer aap ne kuch soch kar hi yo'n kaha hoga ,
faseelaeN chaTnay walay mujhay bataeN nadeem kahaeN zameen pay ye Akhri sadi to nahen
jaesa ke peshan goiyo'n aur ahaadeec aur qayamat ki nishaniyon ke zariya jo kuch maloomat ham tak pahonchi hai , uss ke mutabiq yeh sher apni ma_ani se kuch door door hai technicaly bhi yeh mumkin nahi ke yajooj majooj ka suraagh kisi ko mil gaya ho ?? ya kisi ne maoujoodah dour me uss qoam ki nishandahi ki ho , aur woh yani yajooj majooj kisi ko batane se rahe !! ke zameen par yeh aakhri sadi hai , tou phir yeh sher kon sa mazmoon apne anadar samoey huwey hai , ??wallah alm ..
nadeem sahib , aap ki gazal par yeh mera sirf tabsara hai , wallah meri aesi koi neeyet nahi ke aap ki dilshikni ho ya tanqeed ke hawaley se khud ko bartar sabit karne ki sa_ee ho .
bas jo kuch mahsoos kiya , usse main ne ussi halat me lafzo'n me dhaal diya , saafgoi hai yeh na ke tanqeed , umeed hai aap apni wazahato'n se mujh kam ilm ke ilm me izafa karein gein .
mukhlis
dilshadnazmi
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Post by dilshad on May 25, 2008 23:28:21 GMT 5
nadeed ji aadab
aap ki gazal chonke urdu rasmulkhat me khuli file ki surat moujood mili , iss liye tafseeli jawab dene me madad mil gai , so mera tabsara hazir hai . yaad ki mandero'n se jhankte huwey lamhey aod>h kar tera chahera boltey huwey lamhe
bhaot khoob
hijr ke jazeere me ab bhi saa'ns lete hain , tere wasl ka imkaa'n , sochte huwey lamhey keya hi umdah sher hai.
kirchi kirchi ye tera aks chunte rahte hain , lamha lamha ye tujh ko dhondte huwey lamhe ,
sher bahot umdah hai magar dono misro'n me "ye " lafz ne bharti ke hone ka ehsaas dilaya , awzaan ki majboori hai , lekin behtri ki tawaq_qa bhi hai .
eak waqt thaa in me zindagi dharakti thee, ab hain sakit_o_jamid bolte huwey lamhey
nahid sahiba , moujooda insaani zindagi jis tez raftari ki shikaar hai uss ki keya hi khoob ak_kasi hai iss sher me , sab kuch machini andaaz me ho raha hai , ehsaasat se aari , behissi se bharpoor insani zindagi ka aks iss sher me saaf jhalak raha hai ,bahot khoob ,
eak umr tou main ne ye sanbhal kar rakh_khe . phir bikhar gaey mujh se tut_tey huwey lamhe .
yahaan bhi ye zayed hone ki nishandahi kar raha hai , cani misre me aap ke mutabiq , tut_te huwey lamho'n ka bikharna , kuch samajh me nahi aaya , sher wazahat talab hai , keya hi behtar hoga ke isski nacr kar lein phir kisi nateeje par pahonchein ,
matla bahot peyara hai , mujhe bahot pasand aaya . aur maqtah bhi theek hai , magar aap chahein tou aur bhi khubsurat hone ke imkanaat hain
mukhlis dilshadnazmi
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Post by dilshad on May 25, 2008 23:01:00 GMT 5
mohtarma naheed virk sahiba aadab , aap ki khoobsurat gazal nazar nawaz huwi , keya hi ach _cha hota agar aap isse roman script me bhi yahaan chaspaa'n karti , shayed maein apni bisaat bhar koshish se kuch tabsrah kar pata aap ke khoobsurat ash_aar ko code karte huwey , bahr haal . meri janib se iss meyari gazal par dher sari daad qabool farmaein , ,insha allah agar aap roman me bhi pesh karein tou main iss par apni raey dena chahoonga , wa/salam dilshadnazmi.
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