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Post by hooriya on Nov 12, 2007 11:14:08 GMT 5
ehl e bazm aadaab..
ek tooti phooti si tehreer haazir hai..
alwida kehdiya dil k har kaaz ku geet ki baat ku sur ho ya saaz ku
humku ghaflat k din ab rulaane lagay humne dafna diya zaat k naaz ku
be khudi kab talak nafs ki kab talak paa ba zanjeer kiya nafs e naasaaz ku
aarzoo ka safar ab to ruk bhi gaya humne badla diya apne andaaz ku
waqt e rukhsat buhat saaNs ne ki dagha humne samjha tabhi maut k raaz ku
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Post by Sukhanwar on Nov 12, 2007 23:00:07 GMT 5
achi koshish hy aap ki hooriya ji isi tara kehti rahain magar aap bohat taweel khamoshiikhtiaar kar layti hain yeh to achi baat nahin thanx razi
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Nov 12, 2007 23:13:12 GMT 5
Wah achi koshish
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Post by khalid on Nov 13, 2007 2:35:30 GMT 5
hooriya ji aapki koii kaavish aaj pehli mertaba nazar se guzri! amoomi taur per aik qaabil e daad koshish hai!
kuch ghalatioN ki nishaan dehi kerne ki jasaarat ker raha hooN
1... pehley she'r k pehley meiN maiN kaaz kya english ka ''cause'' hai?
2... teesrey she'r ka doosra misra behr k masaael ka shikaar hai.
3...sheir No 4 maiN aap ne ''badala diya'' ko ba taur fe'l istemaal kiya hai. urdu lugat maiN badal deina fe'l hai. na k badlaa deina. is misrey ki tashkeel o mafhoom meiN khusoosan ''badla diya'' fit nahiN ho raha!
majmoii taur per ye tehreer tooti phooti her giz nahiN hai, daad haazir hai!
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Post by kanwal on Dec 2, 2007 1:58:12 GMT 5
Aik achi kavish pe daad ke phooL aapki nazR Hooriya Sis, ...
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