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Post by khalid on Feb 28, 2008 4:07:03 GMT 5
mohtermeen ye meiree pehli ghazal hai jo chaar baras puraani hai. is ghazal meiN laal rang se numaayaN kiye gaey ash'aar per aiteraaz hua tha. aap ki raaey derkaar hai is maamley meiN. raegaN unn se jo ki ham ne wafa, sab raegaN raegaN un ka kaha barsoN saha, sab raegaN
jis ghari haakim ne likh'ha ghar nikaala raegaN apni matti se liya, jo kuch diya, sab raegaN
jo kaha sardaar ne, zardaar ne, zarb ul misel aur qalam jo siskiyaN bharta raha, sab raegaN
suntey aaey hain shaheedoN ka lahoo laata hai rang behney waala sab lahoo aur khooN baha, sab raegaN
hosla pukhta, yaqeeN pukhta, nishaana pukhta tar warna teer andaaz ke teer o kamaN, sab raegaN
iltafaat e yaar ko tarsey bhi, ruswa bhi huey ham ne jo ab tak nahiN kholi zabaN, sab raegaN
jis ghari ham ishq ke maaney gaey sehra naward maut ki hichki ne aa ke ker diya sab raegaN
mujh ko apne hosley per tars uss dam aa gaya uss ke teekhey tewroN ne jab kiya sab raegaN
husn apni be rukhi samjhey hai ehsaN aajtak kya hamaari inkesaari aur wafa sab raegaN?
ho gaeeN un se giley shikwey ki baateiN sab hawa khich gaee jab un ke abroo ki kamaN, sab raegaN
be tuki khalid ki baatein aap ne jab jab suneeN waqt apna hi kiya barbaad tab tab raegaN
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Post by khalid on Feb 28, 2008 7:16:52 GMT 5
AOA khalid bhai jaan, yuN to aap ne Razi bhai aur zaamin ji se sawaal kiya hai lekin agar main iss ka jawaab dun to ummeed hai aap ko aitraaz na hoga.meri kam aqal ke hisaab se iss ghazal mein jin lines par aap ne nishaandehi ki hai unn ke qaafiya galat hain.kamaN zabaN kamaN aur tab qaafiya is ghazal ke hisaab se sahi nahin haiN. maqtah main sab raegaN ki jagah aap ne tab raegaN kaha hai vo bhi galat hai.wafa raha saha baha sahi haiN. baaki jaisa ustaad kaheN. maiN ne bhi zaamin sb ki ghazal meiN kam o beish yehi nukaat uThaaey they. lekin in donoN hezraat ne us ghazal ko gheir murraddif ghazal kaha. us meiN to qavaafi aur radeef tqreeban her she'r meiN mukhtalif haiN! haN radeef ham aavaaz zaroor haiN! isi liye maiN ne aajtak apni ye ghazal post nahiN ki thee yahaN.
bahar haal deikhye kya kehtey haiN seniors!
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zaamin
ibtidaai rukn
Posts: 69
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Post by zaamin on Feb 28, 2008 22:14:33 GMT 5
janaab khaalid saahib: jaise kih sunita ji ne likhkhaa hai,amm taur pe ghazal men radeef[aap ki ghazal men:sab raa`egaaN:] aur qavafii[aap ki ghazal men :wafa,raha,diya,kiya etc] donon hote hain;lekin rule yeh hai[is ka jawaaz to ustaadaan hi bataa sakte hain] ki radeef ke baghair aap ghazal keh sakte hain,lekin qaafiya laazim hai;aur aap ke sh'er jin pe yeh aitraaz huwaa hai,vo qaafiyaat ke lihaaz se hai,ki zubaaN,kamaaN waghaira wafa,raha ke qavaafii nahiin hai. bas yehii ek technical point ki baat hai yoon aap ke ghazal har lihaaz se khoobsoorat aur daad ki haqdaar hai. meri ghazal men radeef nahiin hai,sirf qavaafii hain.
umiid hai ki yeh technicality aap pe waazih ho gayii hogii
mukhlis
zaamin
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Feb 28, 2008 23:05:44 GMT 5
ahaaaaa
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Post by waqaar on Feb 29, 2008 0:24:27 GMT 5
Khaalid SaaHeb, aadaab! kaisay haiN aap? ma'zirat keh itnay din ghaaYab rehta hooN. aap to jaantay haiN wajh. Sunita didi nay SaHiiH kahaa. Yeh naqS ShaaYad aajkal kay "moderate" aur jiddat pasand Sho'ra qubool keraiN laikin kaleeskiat per DaTay Shaa'ir kabh~ii nahiiN quboolaiNgay. aik aur aisa hi naqS jisay "eetaa-e-jali" kehtay haiN isii zumray maiN aata hay. jis maiN "uRna" aur "marna, kerna" ko qavaafi ko ghalat^ kaha jaata hay. kYuuNkeh agar aap "naa" nikaal daiN to "uR" aur "mar" qavaafi nahiiN lagtay. Yeh bataanay ka maqSad waisay hi th~aa. buraa nah manaaiYay gaa. albattah ghazal kay aSh'aar aChh~ay haiN. jis per daad mera farz aur aapka haq hay. qubool kee jiYay! waQaar
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Post by Sukhanwar on Feb 29, 2008 0:55:17 GMT 5
khalid bhai aap ki ghazal parhi shukar guzar hoonk aap nay khaas taur par ghazal par meri aur zaamin sahib ki tawajah chaahi aap jis andaz main qata kehtay hain aur jo barjastagi aur maharat humain wahan nazar aati hay us k hawalay say main aap ka pehlay roz sy motrif hoon sunita ji sab sy pehlay ghazal par baat kar lee us k baad zaamin sahib ny bhi kum o baysh wohi raay dee aur main in ki aara sy mutafiq hoon aap ny sawal yeh uthaya k zaamin sahib ki ghazal main aap jo nishaandahi ki us main usay ghair muraddaf kion kaha gia aur is par aytraaz kion ho raha hy myra khyaal hy is nuqtay ki bhi wazaahat zaamin bhaai nay tafseel k saath kar dee hay aap ki yeh ghazal is aik naqs k siwa bohat umda hy khaas taur par aap ny jo radeef chuni sub raaigan wo bohat achi hy aur aap nay mazameen bhi achay nikaalay mera khyaal hay aap ki ghazal main jo do ashaar kamaan aur zabaan k qaafiay k saath hain unhain agar aap is ghazal sy nikaal lain aur un qawaafi k saath aik aur ghazal keh lain jis main yahan ,jahan , nishan,k qawaafi hon to aik radeef k saath do ghazlain ho sakti hain aur yeh raaij bhi hay shoraa nay aik radeef k saath alag alag qaafion main mutadad ghazlain kahi hain ..khaas taur par zafar iqbal k haan aysay tajarbaat humain kai jaga miltay hain aik baar phir manoon hoon k aap nay mujhay is qaabil samjha warna "hum kahan k danaa hain kis hunar main yakta hain " thanx razi
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Post by Sukhanwar on Feb 29, 2008 0:59:55 GMT 5
Rafi bhai sahab, aadaab.aap ko daant lagaane vaali thi lekin hansi chhut gayi ki main ab aap ko kya kahuN. fikr-e-nau mein Razi bhai ne aap se kuch kaha tha na phir aap ka yeh reply kyuN? aap adab mein hamaare senior hain aur ham sab aap se seekhana chaahte hain.yahan Khalid bhai jaan ne ek sawaal kiya tha ghazal ke saath.maana ki unhoN ne sirf zaamin sahab aur Razi bhai ka naam likha lekin koii aur bhi jawaab de to koii harz to nahin hai na? ab dekhen sab mujhe badi behn kehte hain aur chaahe aap se badi hun ya chhoti ab to yeh daant aap ko khaani hi padegi aur ab bhi nahin sudhare na to mujhe danda le kar pak aana padega. ;D sunita ji mujhay bohat acha laga aap ka yeh payghaam hazrat e rafi tabasum k naam rafi sahib aap ki aaraa tafseeli honi chaaian khaas taur par jahan koi ilmi sawal ho wahan aap ka nuqta e nazar zaroor aana chaahiay warna hum bure wala aa kar ehtjaaji muzaahira karain gay thanx razi
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Mar 1, 2008 0:08:18 GMT 5
Khalid sahib is ghazal maiN surkh rang say likhay huay ash,aar par jis nay bhi aeteraaz kia bjaa kia kioNkeh is ash,aar maiN qafiay ki bari sangeen ghalati hay baari saari ghazal maiN qafia :wafa, saha, diya waghaira hay dosray lafzooN maiN qafia alif hay jab keh mazkoora ash,aar maiN qafia noon ghunaaN maslan KamaN,ZubaaN waghairahay jo keh ghalat hay
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Mar 1, 2008 0:20:40 GMT 5
Rafi bhai sahab, aadaab.aap ko daant lagaane vaali thi lekin hansi chhut gayi ki main ab aap ko kya kahuN. fikr-e-nau mein Razi bhai ne aap se kuch kaha tha na phir aap ka yeh reply kyuN? aap adab mein hamaare senior hain aur ham sab aap se seekhana chaahte hain.yahan Khalid bhai jaan ne ek sawaal kiya tha ghazal ke saath.maana ki unhoN ne sirf zaamin sahab aur Razi bhai ka naam likha lekin koii aur bhi jawaab de to koii harz to nahin hai na? ab dekhen sab mujhe badi behn kehte hain aur chaahe aap se badi hun ya chhoti ab to yeh daant aap ko khaani hi padegi aur ab bhi nahin sudhare na to mujhe danda le kar pak aana padega. ;D Sunita behn is apnaiyat ka shukria mera maan barh gia INSHA ALLAH ainda kautahi nahi ho gi
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Mar 1, 2008 0:29:46 GMT 5
Rafi bhai sahab, aadaab.aap ko daant lagaane vaali thi lekin hansi chhut gayi ki main ab aap ko kya kahuN. fikr-e-nau mein Razi bhai ne aap se kuch kaha tha na phir aap ka yeh reply kyuN? aap adab mein hamaare senior hain aur ham sab aap se seekhana chaahte hain.yahan Khalid bhai jaan ne ek sawaal kiya tha ghazal ke saath.maana ki unhoN ne sirf zaamin sahab aur Razi bhai ka naam likha lekin koii aur bhi jawaab de to koii harz to nahin hai na? ab dekhen sab mujhe badi behn kehte hain aur chaahe aap se badi hun ya chhoti ab to yeh daant aap ko khaani hi padegi aur ab bhi nahin sudhare na to mujhe danda le kar pak aana padega. ;D sunita ji mujhay bohat acha laga aap ka yeh payghaam hazrat e rafi tabasum k naam rafi sahib aap ki aaraa tafseeli honi chaaian khaas taur par jahan koi ilmi sawal ho wahan aap ka nuqta e nazar zaroor aana chaahiay warna hum bure wala aa kar ehtjaaji muzaahira karain gay thanx razi Razi bhai ainda kautahi nahi ho gi
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