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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 20, 2007 17:11:12 GMT 5
Aik aur ghazal Ahbab ki nazar kar raha hooN araa ka muntazir rahooN ga
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 20, 2007 17:26:55 GMT 5
Aik aur ghazal Ahbab ki nazar kar raha hooN araa ka muntazir rahooN ga
yeh bay rukhi hi tri ik phaar jaisi hay ta,aluqaat maiN goya begaar jaisi hay
najanay kon yhaaN aa gia hay sabz qadam kai denooN say yeh basti ujaar jaisi hay
hmara pasta qadooN say muqabela thehra jo ab kay jeet hui hay pechaar jaisi hay
yeh rabtooN ka ta,atul na rog ban ja,ay chalo keh paat laiN mil kay, draar jaisi hay
ghamooN ko koi takaluf nahi hay aanay maiN hayat meri dar e bay kewaar jaisi hay
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Post by Aqeel Malik on May 20, 2007 19:36:04 GMT 5
bahut khoob Dr sb dad qabool kareiN
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 21, 2007 0:07:44 GMT 5
Shukria Malik sahib
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Post by khalid on May 21, 2007 2:56:58 GMT 5
bohot khoob rafi sb! her sheir la jawaab hai!! daad haazir hai!
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 21, 2007 10:32:42 GMT 5
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 21, 2007 10:34:24 GMT 5
bohot khoob rafi sb! her sheir la jawaab hai!! daad haazir hai! Shukria Khalid sahib hausla afzai ka
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Post by Jalees Sherwani on May 21, 2007 11:31:02 GMT 5
Dr Sahab Aadaab Hasb-e-rawayat ek shandaar ghazal.Daad haazir hai. Ek makhmasa paida hua hai..lafz DARAAD, Kya musta'ama hai? Please do not mind if I have made a mistake. Aap ka apna Jalees
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 21, 2007 21:16:48 GMT 5
Dr Sahab Aadaab Hasb-e-rawayat ek shandaar ghazal.Daad haazir hai. Ek makhmasa paida hua hai..lafz DARAAD, Kya musta'ama hai? Please do not mind if I have made a mistake. Aap ka apna Jalees Jalees Sahib hausla afzai ka shukria maiN samjhta hooN lafz draar istemaal karnay main koi qbahat nahi phir bhi Razi bhai aur deegar ahbaab ki ra,ay bhi is silsalay maiN liay laitay haiN islaah ka darwaza har waqt khula rehna chahiay
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Post by Jalees Sherwani on May 21, 2007 23:56:45 GMT 5
DR Sahab,Aadaab lafz DARAAR Par shak nahi^N thha..Daraar^H par thha. THAL ^ RE^ ALIF^ Rh. Meri baat ka khayal na kare^N khuda ke liye. Aap ka apna Jalees
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 22, 2007 8:05:36 GMT 5
Jalees sahib mujhay khushi hoti hay aisi batooN say aap brah e karam mehsoos na karaiN agar koi tanqeed bardaasht na karay aur apnay aap ko hi harf e aakhir jaan lay to irteqai amal ruk jata hay achi baat kahiN say bhi aur kisi say bhi mill sakti hay aur maiN usay qabool karnay kay liay har waqt tayyar rehta hooN is liay aap ki baat mujhay buri lagnay ka swaal hi paida nahi ho sakta
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Post by Sukhanwar on May 26, 2007 0:54:39 GMT 5
Dr Sahab Aadaab Hasb-e-rawayat ek shandaar ghazal.Daad haazir hai. Ek makhmasa paida hua hai..lafz DARAAD, Kya musta'ama hai? Please do not mind if I have made a mistake. Aap ka apna Jalees jalees bhai mera khyaal hy k lafz draar hi istamaal hota hy rafi sahib nay draar istamaal kia hy draarh nahin aap nay waysay bohat acha kia yeh nukta uthaaya ilm to aik samandar hy k jis k baaray humain khulay zehn sy baat karna chaahiay baat meri bhi harf e aakhir nahin ho gi mumkin hy koi aur dost mujh say behtar andaaz main yeh nukta samjhaa sakay harf e aakhir to koi bhi nahin hota aur lijiay hum nay rafi bhi ki ghazal ki to tareef ki hi nahin bohat mushkil zamen aur mushkil qaafiay istamaal kiay hain bohat khoob rafi sahib thanx razi thanx
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on May 26, 2007 1:03:49 GMT 5
Bohat Bohat Shukria Razi bhai hausla afzai ka
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Post by dilshadnazmi on Jun 1, 2007 0:10:02 GMT 5
Aik aur ghazal Ahbab ki nazar kar raha hooN araa ka muntazir rahooN gayeh bay rukhi hi tri ik phaar jaisi hay ta,aluqaat maiN goya begaar jaisi hay
najanay kon yhaaN aa gia hay sabz qadam kai denooN say yeh basti ujaar jaisi hay
hmara pasta qadooN say muqabela thehra jo ab kay jeet hui hay pechaar jaisi hay
yeh rabtooN ka ta,atul na rog ban ja,ay chalo keh paat laiN mil kay, draar jaisi hay
ghamooN ko koi takaluf nahi hay aanay maiN hayat meri dar e bay kewaar jaisi hay //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// [ b]Janab rafi tabassum, Salam _o_alaekum,
Aap ki gazal nazar nawaz hui , kuch eak batein main arz karne ki jisarat kar raha hoon , aap ki gazal ke hawale se,umeed hai tab_h_e nazuk pe giraa’n baar nahi hongi…,
aap ka matla .ye berukhi bhi t-eri ek pahaad_h jaesi hai ta_alluqat me goya , bigaad>h jaesi hai
mohtaram , aap ke matle me dono qawafi ke darmiyan eak a_aeb aa gaya hai , jise taw_jih kahte hain ,yani harf_e_ravi se pahle jo harkat( zer , zabar , pesh ) hoti hai ,usse TAWJIH kahte hain ,aur eak naam ikhtelaaf_e_ tawjih bhi hai .aur aqwa bhi kaha jata hai . maclan…..
DIL ka qafiya GUL , TOOL ka qafiya HAOL . DASHT ka qafiya DISHT
Yehi baat aap ke matle me dar aaeei hai ,pahaad>h ke Saath bigaad>h , Dusra shear ,,,,NA JANE KON YAHAA’N AA GAYA HAI SABZ QADAM KA_EEI DINO’N SE YE BASTI UJAAD>H JAESI HAI
Manawi eatebaar se ye zahir ho raha hai ke , Sabz qadmon se kisi ke aane par basti ujaard.>h jaesi ho gaeei hai . Jab ke sabz qadmo’n ko liye aana , haryali ki ilamat samjha jata hai . To phir haryali ki aamad se basti ujaad>h jaesi kaese ho sakti hai .
Aap ki gazal me shear no# 4 me qafiya daraad>h ka hoga na ke daraar ka . Aap ne jalees sahib ke khat ke jawab me bhi daraar ki hi hami bhari hai .
Rahi shear no# 5 ke mutal_liq to janab maloom nahi DAR_E_BE_KIWAAD>H ki tarkeeb kahaan se aap ko hasil ho gaeei . Jaese acar log kahte hain . AAB_E_ZAM ZAM KA PAANI.
Umeed hai in sari baton ki roshni me aap mere tabsre par koi galat ma_aani akhaz nahi kareinge ,
Dilshadnazmi.[/b][/color]
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Jun 1, 2007 6:13:18 GMT 5
Aik aur ghazal Ahbab ki nazar kar raha hooN araa ka muntazir rahooN gayeh bay rukhi hi tri ik phaar jaisi hay ta,aluqaat maiN goya begaar jaisi hay
najanay kon yhaaN aa gia hay sabz qadam kai denooN say yeh basti ujaar jaisi hay
hmara pasta qadooN say muqabela thehra jo ab kay jeet hui hay pechaar jaisi hay
yeh rabtooN ka ta,atul na rog ban ja,ay chalo keh paat laiN mil kay, draar jaisi hay
ghamooN ko koi takaluf nahi hay aanay maiN hayat meri dar e bay kewaar jaisi hay //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// [ b]Janab rafi tabassum, Salam _o_alaekum,
Aap ki gazal nazar nawaz hui , kuch eak batein main arz karne ki jisarat kar raha hoon , aap ki gazal ke hawale se,umeed hai tab_h_e nazuk pe giraa’n baar nahi hongi…,
aap ka matla .ye berukhi bhi t-eri ek pahaad_h jaesi hai ta_alluqat me goya , bigaad>h jaesi hai
mohtaram , aap ke matle me dono qawafi ke darmiyan eak a_aeb aa gaya hai , jise taw_jih kahte hain ,yani harf_e_ravi se pahle jo harkat( zer , zabar , pesh ) hoti hai ,usse TAWJIH kahte hain ,aur eak naam ikhtelaaf_e_ tawjih bhi hai .aur aqwa bhi kaha jata hai . maclan…..
DIL ka qafiya GUL , TOOL ka qafiya HAOL . DASHT ka qafiya DISHT
Yehi baat aap ke matle me dar aaeei hai ,pahaad>h ke Saath bigaad>h , Dusra shear ,,,,NA JANE KON YAHAA’N AA GAYA HAI SABZ QADAM KA_EEI DINO’N SE YE BASTI UJAAD>H JAESI HAI
Manawi eatebaar se ye zahir ho raha hai ke , Sabz qadmon se kisi ke aane par basti ujaard.>h jaesi ho gaeei hai . Jab ke sabz qadmo’n ko liye aana , haryali ki ilamat samjha jata hai . To phir haryali ki aamad se basti ujaad>h jaesi kaese ho sakti hai .
Aap ki gazal me shear no# 4 me qafiya daraad>h ka hoga na ke daraar ka . Aap ne jalees sahib ke khat ke jawab me bhi daraar ki hi hami bhari hai .
Rahi shear no# 5 ke mutal_liq to janab maloom nahi DAR_E_BE_KIWAAD>H ki tarkeeb kahaan se aap ko hasil ho gaeei . Jaese acar log kahte hain . AAB_E_ZAM ZAM KA PAANI.
Umeed hai in sari baton ki roshni me aap mere tabsre par koi galat ma_aani akhaz nahi kareinge ,
Dilshadnazmi.[/b][/color] [/quote] bohat bohat shukria Dilshaad nezami sahib aap ka bhar poor tabsra sar aankhooN par
bohat khushi hui keh aap nay tafseel say ghazal parhi tu sari ghazal maiN qafia phaar (phaad, begaad,draad waghara hi hay chonkeh maiN š ko hi istemaal kia hay roman maiN maiN nay r hi likha hay jhaaN tak qafiay kay zair o zabar ki baat hay matla maiN maiN nay jaan boojh kar hi yeh istemaal kia hay kioNkeh agar maiN matla maiN yeh wazeh na karta to ghazal kay ba,ad walay ash,aar maiN ujaar aur pechaar jaisay qafiay istemaal karna munasib na hota rahi baat sabz qadam ki to hazoor sabz qadam say muraad hamaisha manhoos lia jata hay sirf lafz sabz ko zehn maiN rakhtay huay usay hariali ka piambar nahi kaha ja sakta muhawrati ma,anooN maiN sabz qadam hamaisha manhoos hi hota hay Akhir maiN baat Akhri shaer main dar e bay kewaar ki baat to jnab dar kehtay hay darwazay ko aur kewaar darwazay kay makhsoos hisay ko kehtay hain darwazay ko nahi keh is par Aab e zam zam kay pani wali mesaal poori aa sakay bahar haal bohat khushi hui aap kay tabsray say ainda bhi aap say bohat kuch hasil honay ki tawaqu rakhta hooN
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