|
Post by rooh on Jun 30, 2007 5:24:01 GMT 5
Mohsin Naqvii ki ghazal, "tujhe ruswaaii ka dar hai na aaya kar" parhii..bahot hii pasand aayii ..so iss ghazal ki bahr per likhne ki koshish ki thii..
Pata nahii bahr theek samjh aayii ki nahii...yahan maujood doston se guzarish hai plz bataein kya meine bahr theek parkrii hai?
Ghazal achhi hai ya nahii ye to baad ki baat hai...
to lijiye ghazal peshe khidmat hai..
kisii din aaye dar pe tere bhii ruswaaii sataye tujhko bhii to kabhiiii tanhaaiiii
muhabbat bhii jis ne saude ki tarah kii hai kahaaN samjhega wo hijr kii raanaaiiii
diyaa merii hii qismat ne hai dhokaa mujhe bahaarein maangii thi aur khizaaaaN paaiiiii
khushii daikhii hii jis ne na ho, uss dil pe tabaahii aayii bhii hai to, bhalii aaayiiiii
mein eik din apna ghar chhoR ke nikali thii wo din tha ke jab se mein huii sehraaii
Regards
Rooh
|
|
|
Post by Aqeel Malik on Jul 3, 2007 22:03:49 GMT 5
Rooh!
mujhy tu ghazal mein koe behr dikhae nahi dayti baqool anwar masood
youn behr say khali hay ke khushki pe parhi hay youn sher mein sakta hay ke kuch ho nahi sakta
aqeel
|
|
|
Post by Rafi Tabasum on Jul 3, 2007 23:39:21 GMT 5
maiN bhi Aqeel Malik sahib say mutefiq hooN baqaul Kashif Sajjad donooN misray hi namukkamal haiN koi sakta kaheeN peh ataa hay
|
|
|
Post by Sukhanwar on Feb 23, 2008 11:43:43 GMT 5
rooh ji mujhay intzaar tha k aap is ghazal k baad koi aur ghazal bhi laain gi is main koi shak nahi k aap ki is ghazal main behr k masaail hain magar aap ko yaqeenan hosla nhi haarn chahiay aap daykhiay isi forum main bohat say aysay members hain jo 3 saal pehlay aap jaysi mushkil ka shikaar thay magar musalsal mehnat sy un k haan ab boht behtari payda ho gai hy hum aap ki nai takhleeq k muntazir hain thanx razi
|
|
|
Post by rooh on Feb 24, 2008 16:12:00 GMT 5
Dear Razi Bhai..Assalam Alai kum
ek lambay arsay baad hii sahii par ye thread aap ki nazr guzaraa to!
baat sirf itni thi ke ghazal jis bahr mein likhi gayi hai wo mujhe theek samjh aayi hai ya nahii...aur ye baat kafi saaf lafzon meine likhi bhii..aur yanhaaN maujud sabhi DanaON se yahii ummeed thi ki wo ghalati pakraein aur uski nishandehi karein...
par iss simt koi bhii mujhe kisi tarah ki koshish karta huaa nazar nahii aayaa...
constructive criticism kaa matlab yahii hai ke critisim se kisi tarah ki ibrat hasil ho...issi liye yahaaN kuchh seekhne ki ummeed se shirkat kii thii...
meri ye iltajaa hai ki sirf ghalati dhhondanay waalay log mere kavishein na dekha karein...jinhein sahii manoN mein ishaal karne mein interest hain unhii logon ki rai ka mujhe intezaar hai
Muaf kijiyega agar meri kisi baat se kisii tarah ka Mandukh ho
Thanx Rooh
|
|
|
Post by Sukhanwar on Feb 25, 2008 0:34:12 GMT 5
Dear Razi Bhai..Assalam Alai kum ek lambay arsay baad hii sahii par ye thread aap ki nazr guzaraa to! baat sirf itni thi ke ghazal jis bahr mein likhi gayi hai wo mujhe theek samjh aayi hai ya nahii...aur ye baat kafi saaf lafzon meine likhi bhii..aur yanhaaN maujud sabhi DanaON se yahii ummeed thi ki wo ghalati pakraein aur uski nishandehi karein... par iss simt koi bhii mujhe kisi tarah ki koshish karta huaa nazar nahii aayaa... constructive criticism kaa matlab yahii hai ke critisim se kisi tarah ki ibrat hasil ho...issi liye yahaaN kuchh seekhne ki ummeed se shirkat kii thii... meri ye iltajaa hai ki sirf ghalati dhhondanay waalay log mere kavishein na dekha karein...jinhein sahii manoN mein ishaal karne mein interest hain unhii logon ki rai ka mujhe intezaar hai Muaf kijiyega agar meri kisi baat se kisii tarah ka Mandukh ho Thanx Rooh rooh sahiba aap ka shukar guzaar hoonkaap nay foran meray is reply par apnay rad e amal ka izhaar kia aap ki is ghazal ko main ny unhi dino daykh lia tha jab aap nay yeh post ki aur is par main rafi sahib aur aqeel sahib ki raay sy hi mutafiq tha is liay main ny is par mazeed baat na ki kyon k mayri baat bhi taqreeban waysi hi hoti hamaray haan ehbaab ki ghazlon par bohat baat hoti hy baaz auqaat hum kurri tanqeed bhi kartay hain aur baaz auqaat to is hawalay sy talkhi bhi ho jaati hy magar aap ki is baat sy main mutafiq hoon k is ghazal main ghalati ki nishandahi nahi ki gaai is ki meray khyaal main 2 wajoohaat hain aik to yehi k is ghazal main behr naaam ki koi cheez mojood hi nahin ,,aap ny mohsinnaqvi ki zameen main ghazal kehnay ki koshish ki magar us zameenmain nahi keh sakin ..is ki aik wajah yeh bhi hy k aap ko ghazal ki zameen ka hi nahi maloom k zameen kisay kehtay hain doosri baat yeh k aap ny ghazal ghair muradaf kahi yaani is main sirf qaafia hy radeef nahi hy ..ghair muradaf ghazal main behr aur mazameen ko sambhalna waysay bhi asaan nahi hota mera aap samyt tamaam naay shora ko mashwara hy k woh jab bhi ghazal kehnay ki koshish karain is baat ka khyaal rakhain k jis misray par ghazal kehna chtay hain kisi senior sy mashwara kar lain k is main qaafia aur radeef kia aur is main ghazal kehna un k liay mufeed bhi ho ga ya nahin isi maqsad k liay hum nay tarhi mushaairay ka silsila bhi shuroo kia tha us mushaairay main senior to hissa laytay rahay magar jin naay logon ko us main shareek hona chaahiay tha un ki aksariat wahan na aai aur nateeja yeh nikla mushaayray wala board is bazm ka sab say ghair mutaharak board bun gia hum yahan ghazlon main mojood ghalation ki nishaandahi kartay hain bul keh main to bohat sy naay shora ko board par mashwara daynay ki bajaay unhain pm kar dayta hoon taa keh un ki dil azaari na ho ,,aap mashq jaari rakhain hum aap ki bhar poor rehnumaai karain gay main senior shoraa khaas taur par sunita sahiba, rafi bhaai,naveed sidiqui aur aqeel malik sy guzarish karoon ga keh woh naaay shoraa ki ghalation ki nishaan dahi zarroor kia karain is andaaz main k un ki dil shikni bhi na ho bul keh un ka hosla barhay ..aur haan agar is per koi naraaz bhi hota hy to humain parwa nahi karni chaahiay main khud bhi is par ziaada tawaja doon ga is forum ko baa maqsud hona chaahiay thanx razi
|
|
|
Post by Rafi Tabasum on Feb 25, 2008 1:09:34 GMT 5
Razi bhai aap ka hukm sar aankhooN par ainda khasoosi taur par khayal rakhooNga maazi maiN kuch tabsarooN par kuch dostooN ki taraf say forum ka mahaul kafi talakh huwa jis say bachnay kay liay maiN nay khaas taur par mukhtasar aur bay zarar qism kay tabsarooN par hi iktefa karna shuru kar lia
|
|
|
Post by Sukhanwar on Feb 25, 2008 8:45:53 GMT 5
Razi bhai aap ka hukm sar aankhooN par ainda khasoosi taur par khayal rakhooNga maazi maiN kuch tabsarooN par kuch dostooN ki taraf say forum ka mahaul kafi talakh huwa jis say bachnay kay liay maiN nay khaas taur par mukhtasar aur bay zarar qism kay tabsarooN par hi iktefa karna shuru kar lia rafi sahib aap apna rawaiyya b tabdeel kijiay muqsad to islaah hy agar kisi ko pm k zariay bhi kuch bataana ho to bata dia karain thanx razi
|
|
|
Post by Aqeel Malik on Feb 25, 2008 17:27:45 GMT 5
Razi SahaB !
mein nay mukamal behs parhi magar wo content jo rooH sahiba nay likha tha us say ye bilkul zahir nahi hota ke wo ye poch rahi hein ke is ki behr kia hay aur rooh sahiba wo content na likhtin tu mein shayad reply bhi nahi karta kiun ke wo masail jo ap baata chuky hein wo bahut garaN guzarty hein ab mujh par ye ilzaam ke mein ye jawab rude day raha hon tu baat ye hay ke mein nay aik tareeqay say fikr e nau mein islah aur batany ka kam shuro kia tha magar kisi sahab ya sahiba nay mujhy ye kaha tha ke ap yahan tanqeed ya islah na he kia karein tu behtar hay yehi waja hay ke mein nay wahan jana he chor dia han kae aik logoN nay mujhy pms keay aur post karny say pehly mujh say baat ki tu mein nay un ko her aik cheez jo mujhy dikhae di wo bata di aur unhon nay kisi kism ka shikwa nahi kia aur wo chand log ab bhi mujhy pms karty hein is sorat hal ko dekhty hoey men nahi koe bhi tabsa karnay say ijtinaab kia. jahan tak in ki is ghazal par baat ki baat hay tu mein nay tu anawa sahab kay sher mein un ko dil shikni nahi ki balkeh between the lines kuch kehnay ki koshish ki jo shayad wo samajh nai paein magar ainda mein apnay comments mein ehtiat bartoN ga aur koshish karoN ga ke kisi ki dil azari na ho.
|
|
|
Post by rooh on Feb 25, 2008 17:38:57 GMT 5
aqeel sahab mera yeh quote kiya huaa aap paden jo maine pehli post mein hi likha tha.maine poochha tha ki kya yeh ghazal behr mein hai ya nahin.maana meri ghazal behr mein nahin hai to as an example aap mein se koii yeh bhi keh sakta tha ki Mohsin naqvi ki ghazal ki to falaaN behr hai aur jo maine likha hai vo uss se nahin milta.Mujhe ghazal ki breakdown ho sakta hai sahi na pata ho, magar aap sab to bade shaayar hain aur urooz ka ilm rakhane vaale hain to meharbaaN aap sab se iltija hai ki meharbaani kar ke mujhe Mohsin Naqvi ki is line ki breakdown bataa deN."tujhe ruswaaii ka dar hai na aaya kar"main pm main iss liye nahin poochhana chaahti kyunki yahan likha auroN ke bhi kaam aa sakta hai.shuakriya.
|
|
|
Post by rooh on Feb 25, 2008 18:56:43 GMT 5
Dear Razi bhai...
aap ne ye forum create kiyaa hai uss liye ye aap ki duty banti hai ki yanhaaN naye aanay waalay shora ko agar zameen ka nahii pataa to aap yunhay samjhaaein ya aisa koi common thread create karein jahan iss tarah ke article hon jo naye logon ko shairi ki intircacies or technicalities samjhne mein help karein.
mein ye baat aap ko iss liye keh rahii hun kyun ki most of the responsibilites lies on the creator, " Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown."
shukriya
|
|
zaamin
ibtidaai rukn
Posts: 69
|
Post by zaamin on Feb 25, 2008 22:59:07 GMT 5
Mohsin Naqvii ki ghazal, "tujhe ruswaaii ka dar hai na aaya kar" parhii..bahot hii pasand aayii ..so iss ghazal ki bahr per likhne ki koshish ki thii.. Pata nahii bahr theek samjh aayii ki nahii...yahan maujood doston se guzarish hai plz bataein kya meine bahr theek parkrii hai? Ghazal achhi hai ya nahii ye to baad ki baat hai... to lijiye ghazal peshe khidmat hai.. kisii din aaye dar pe tere bhii ruswaaii sataye tujhko bhii to kabhiiii tanhaaiiii muhabbat bhii jis ne saude ki tarah kii hai kahaaN samjhega wo hijr kii raanaaiiii diyaa merii hii qismat ne hai dhokaa mujhe bahaarein maangii thi aur khizaaaaN paaiiiii khushii daikhii hii jis ne na ho, uss dil pe tabaahii aayii bhii hai to, bhalii aaayiiiii mein eik din apna ghar chhoR ke nikali thii wo din tha ke jab se mein huii sehraaii Regards Rooh aksar aise tana'azaat se door rehne ki koshish karta hoon;apna likha sab ko piyaaraa hota hai,aur ba'az dafa'a mashvaraat bhii achche nahiin lagte[main khud is ka inkashaaf karta hoon] that said,baaz dafaa ahl-e-ilm ka rawayya bhii bahut naagawaar nazar aataa hai;kuch log tanqeed baraaye-tandeed ke kaayil o jaate hain,jo ki eik achha rajhaan nahiin hai.ham sab ne yeh barjinder saahib ki post ke hawaale se dekha hai. ab rooh saahiba ki is ghazal ki aor aate hain,to kuch nuqta-e-nazar ,jo men;kam-ilm pesh kar sakta hoon,karne kii koshis karta hoon 1.pehli baat yeh kih kyaa rooh saahiba bilkul hi behr se off haiN?yeh bhii theek nain hai. ab yeh sher dekhiye khushii daikhii hii jis ne na ho, uss dil pe tabaahii aayii bhii hai to, bhalii aaayiiiii yeh mazmouii taur pe is behr men hai;kuchh log na ko naa use karne pe aitraa kar sakte hain,lekin modern daur men is ko qabool samjhana chaahiye[ustaadaan se ma'azarat ke saath];yoon bhii is misre men na aur ho ki jagah badal dene se yeh aitrazz bhii door ho jaataa hai. ab is misre ko lijiiye kisii din aaye dar pe tere bhii ruswaaii mere khayaal men rooh saahiba ke zehn men yeh aise huwaa hoga; kisii din aa/ye dar pe tire/ bhii ruswaaii mufaa'iilun/mufaailatun/mufaa'iilun 1222-12112-1222 qaaide se yakiinan aisa karna theek nahiin hai;lekin is misre ko rhythm se baghair bilkul nahiin keh sakte;aur kuchh log 1222 ko 12112 use karna fair game samjhate hain[merei zaatii raaye hai,kih agar aap jaanate hain,kih aap kyaa kar rahe hain,aur agar is ko badlane men misre ka husn kam hota hai,to aisa karna qabool hona chaahiye];[doosre ke aap sakoon-e-aust se 112 ke beech ke 1 ko sakoonat de lete hain ] -doosre yeh ke yeh behr ka yeh roop aam use nahiin hai;aam use men 1222-1222-122 hai,jo ziaadaa rawaan hai;yakinan naqvi saahib jaise ustaadaan ke liye aisii behron men likhna ziadaa mushkil nahiin hota,lekin ,jo log abhii saakhnaa shuruoo kar rahe hai ,un ke liye behtar hoga,kih aam use ki,aur rawaaN behren pehle seekhen aur aazmaayen doosre kih likhne se pehle behr ka tayiin karna ziaadaa mua'ssar hota hai;yakinan aise bhii shu'raa honge jo kih sirf gunguna ke ya aise kisi aur tariiqe se bhii baa-behr ghazal keh sakte honge.lekin kuchh basics seekh le jaayen to aasaanii rehti hai,aur aap aapne kalaam ko kisii had tak khud theek kar sakte hain. abhii itna hi;ustaadaan se ma'azrat ke saath aur naye seekhne waalon ko naa-unmiid na hone ka paighaam dete huye faqat zaamin
|
|
|
Post by khalid on Feb 26, 2008 1:54:11 GMT 5
razi bhaii aadaab!
mujhey bhi behr samajh nahiN aaii! baRe jatan kiye alfaaz ko aage peechey ker k. der asl kyuNke mujhey technical info nahiN hai behr ki yaani wo jaoisey kisi behr ko hindsoN meiN likha jaata hai 122 22 ya kuch aur. go k mujhey andaaza hai ke maiN behr meiN kehta hooN, lekin usko explain nahiN ker sakta is liye maiN is silsley meiN koii raaey deine sey maazrat chaahooN chaahooN ga!
|
|
|
Post by kanwal on Mar 1, 2008 1:58:41 GMT 5
RooH sis ,... Aapki ghazl parhi, sab ki post parhi ,... Aap se bas itnaa kahooN gi ke ,.... "Girte haiN shahsawaar hi maidaanoN meiN" ,.... aur gir ke phir uthna hi zindagi ki haqeeqat hai, aapki taraH main bhi anaari rahi hooN par sis maine kahiN aik kahaani parhi thi ke: Aik chyunti apna khaana le kar deewar pe charti aur gir jaati hai phir charhati hai phir gir jaati hai phir chrhti hai phir gir jaati hai aur aakhir wo deewar khud uss ke liye taskheer ho jaati hai,.... to bas ussi din se tahiyaa kar liya ke kuch bhi ho har deewar ko taskheer karna hai,.... woH to adnaa si chyunti thi huM insaan haiN jo Ashraf-ul-Makhlooqaat hai har makhlooq se aalaa. Yeh baat bhi apni jagaH haQ hai ke humare rehbaroN ko humara saath dena chahiye,.... unheiN samjhna chahiye ke unko dhoop seh kar chhaoN bakhashni hai, aur humara yeh kaam hai ke unki daant ko bhi hans ke seh leiN kiyoNke seekhne ke liye pehla asool hai har jaiz hukM pe sar jhukaana. Bas aap yuNhi himmat karti rahiye meri duaeiN aapke saath haiN ,....
|
|
|
Post by Atif Mirza on May 9, 2008 17:54:49 GMT 5
. . . . ....jinhein sahii manoN mein ishaal karne mein interest hain unhii logon ki rai ka mujhe intezaar hai
Muaf kijiyega agar meri kisi baat se kisii tarah ka Mandukh ho
Thanx Rooh Rooh Sahiba! Mujhay aap ki behr say tau koi gharz nahiN albatta aik lafz aap darust kar lijiay. Lafz ishaal kay maani aap bhi janti haiN, YahaN lafz Islaah hona chaiay tha
|
|