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Post by kanwal on Jun 5, 2008 0:18:33 GMT 5
bhot khubbbb hamnaam sis........ Allah kare zor e qalam aor zeyada.........achchi shayri apni traf khaichti hai............aap ki ghazal ne eik shair apna yaad dilaya bhiigi aaNkhoN se hai rim jhim aisii jaise paimana chalak jaaye koii salamat raheN aor khubbbb se khubbb likhti raheN.....AAMIN mukhlis.........hamnam .....K.J....neelofar Shukriya, Nawaazish, Mehrbaani humari humnaam Sis ,....
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Post by kanwal on Jun 5, 2008 0:19:42 GMT 5
KanwalBohat khoobsurat, behtreen. Sun kaNwal aaye ga mausam e gul bhi ab Jaate jaate hi jaaye gi aakhir khizaaNJaate jaate chali bhi gaee khizaaN, aur mausam e gul kab ka aa chuka bitya kahan ho tom thori si daad : : : : : : : : : : : : : nahi bohat si daad qabool karo es takhleeq par Tanweer bityaa zaraa sair karne gayee thi ,... Ab aa gayee hai to phir se aapko tanG kare gi ,....
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 5, 2008 1:32:52 GMT 5
Bahut achhi ghazal hai KaNwal. Mazeed nikhaar lana chahti hai aap tau asaatiza ka kalaam paRhaiN.
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jooni
sukhanshanas
Posts: 480
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Post by jooni on Jul 26, 2008 18:16:43 GMT 5
Kanwal Sahiba, Boht khoob. Maqta'a boht umda hai.
Sun Kanwal aaye ga mausam-e- gul bhi ab Jaate jaate hi jaaye gi aakhir khizan
Daad qubool kijiye.
Junaid Sikandar
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Post by naheedv on Aug 1, 2008 23:47:11 GMT 5
Dear Kanwal,
main ne aap kee ye ghazal paRhi aur pasaNd aayi tau daad dene haazir ho gai. iss ke saath saath maiN ne aap ko ghazal ko behr meN karne kii aik koshish kee hai. choonke aap ne ghazal kahee hai aur ghazal ke liye aik khaas meter huvaa kartaa hai jis ke wazn ke palaRe meN she'r kahe jaate haiN tau ise maiN ne behr meN likhaa hai, aap daikh lijiye.
shukriya
1. maiN hooN tanhaai hai aur hai aasmaaN teree yaadoN kee hai har soo kehkashaaN 2. jagmagaate ye sitaare hee naheeN mere apne bhee haiN un ke darmiyaaN 3. koi saathee bhee no ho jab door tak tau kaho kaise chale phir ye kaarvaaN 3. (ye she'r aap nikaal deN tau behtar hai) 4. jin ke dil meN chaahateN theeN, pyaar thaa faasile aaye ab un ke darmiyaaN 5. ab taraste haiN haNsee ko har ghaRee hum kabhee rehte thay har pal shaadmaaN 6. jhilmilaate inn sitaaroN miN :Kanwal: DhooNDatee hooN maiN khushee ke kuch nishaaN 7. mosam.e.gul bhee tau aaye gaa :Kanwal: ye chalee hee jaaye gee aakhir KhizaaN
shukriya Naheed
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Post by kanwal on Aug 2, 2008 0:34:01 GMT 5
Bahut achhi ghazal hai KaNwal. Mazeed nikhaar lana chahti hai aap tau asaatiza ka kalaam paRhaiN. Bohat bohat shukriya Atif jee ,...
Aape saraha, hausla afzaayee ki aur saath meiN Aage barhne ki talqeen ki, mujhe bohat acha laga, haqeeqatan yehi andaaz islaahi, aur hausla afzaa ho sakta hai ,...
Lekin Aap agar nishaandahi kar dete to mazeed nikhaar laane meiN mujhe asaani hoti, main yeh nahiN kehti ke Aap usko badal ke bataate, Aap sirf yehi kehte agar ke kaNwal iss misre ko, iss sher ko doobara banaayeiN to mujhe asaani ho jaati,....
Khair DostoN ki duaeiN kaNwal ke saath rahiN to Khuda khud lafzoN meiN nikhaar bakhsh de ga ,...
iss khubsoorat reply ke liye Thank you so much ,...
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Post by kanwal on Aug 2, 2008 0:35:27 GMT 5
Kanwal Sahiba, Boht khoob. Maqta'a boht umda hai. Sun Kanwal aaye ga mausam-e- gul bhi ab Jaate jaate hi jaaye gi aakhir khizan Daad qubool kijiye. Junaid Sikandar Thank You so much jooni jee ,...
Aapki pasandeedgi aur hausla afzaayee ke liye bandi Aapki shukr guzaar hai ,....
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Post by kanwal on Aug 2, 2008 1:29:44 GMT 5
Dear Kanwal, main ne aap kee ye ghazal paRhi aur pasaNd aayi tau daad dene haazir ho gai. Aapko pasand aayee jaan ke dilli khushi hui, thank you naheed jee ,... Bohat khushi hui naheed jee ke Aapne apne qeemati waqt meiN se kuch waqt nikaal kar iss ghazl ko behr meiN karne ki koshish ki,..........Be shaQ ghazl ka meter hona laazmi amar hai, Ab Aapne pata nahiN kaunsi behr nikaali hai, jabke mere khayaal se yeh iss behr meiN likhi gayee hai ,...
Faa´u´"Nothing"- Faa´u´"Nothing"- // Faa´u´"Nothing"- Faa´u´"Nothing" (212´212´// 212´212)
Aapka andaaz khaloos mujhe bohat acha laga naheed jee, Go k main khud Tifl e maktab hooN, main abhi seekhne ke maraahil meiN hooN, meri chhoti si maloomaat ki mad e nazr hi main iss ghazl ko doobara dekh rahi hooN, Aapke saamne,...
Aap khud bhi dekh lijiye ,...
Jaisa k maine kaha ke ghazl iss behr meiN likhi gayee hai to iss hisaab se huM dekhte haiN ,...
Faa´u´"Nothing"- Faa´u´"Nothing"- // Faa´u´"Nothing"- Faa´u´"Nothing" (212´212´// 212´212)
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- Main´hooN´tan´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- haa´i´hai´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- au´r´hai´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- Aa´s´maaN´-
Yeh to iss behr meiN fitt aa gaya ,.... good ab aate haiN doosre misre ki aur ,...
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- te´ri´yaa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- doN´ki´hai´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- har´so´oo´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- keh´ka´shaaN´-
YahaN main iss har soo ke "soo" se mutmain nahiN ho paa rahi kuynke mujhe sikhaaya gaya hai ke soo ka wazn "u" nahiN balke "faa" ya phir ""Nothing"" hi ho sakta hai kyuNke yeh aik mukamal lafz hai, aur wazni hai.Faa´u´"Nothing"´- jag´ma´gaa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- te´ye´si´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- taa´re´hii´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ? ´na´hiN´-
Ab yahaN huM SitaaroN ke "si" ko faa ke wazn pe iccept bhi kar leiN to bhi last rukan meiN aik harf missing hai,.. "?" pe kuch to aana chahiye na ,...
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- me´re´ap´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ne´bhi´haiN´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- unn´k´?´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- dar´mi´yaaN´-
yahaN par ? aik rukn khali hai ,...
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ko´i´saa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- thi´bhi´na´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ho´jab´doo´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´-r´tak´? Iss meiN "jab" aik wazni lafz hai yeh "u" ke muqaabil kaise aa sakta hai? ,... issi taraH "r" light hai jo Faa jaise wazni harf pe aaya hai, "tak" ka bhi "jab" wala haal hai aur aakhri rukan khaali hai ,.... Faa´u´"Nothing"´- to´ka´ho´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- kai´se´cha´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- le´phir´yeh´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´-kaa´r´vaaN´-
yahaqN mujhe chale aur phir ka wazn sahi nahiN laga ,...[/b][/color] Chaliye Aap kehti haiN to sochte haiN ,... Faa´u´"Nothing"´- jin´k´dil´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- meiN´chaa´hat´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- teiN´thiN´pyaa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- r´tha´? Iss meiN bhi chaahateiN ka "chaa" , "Faa" ke muqqabil aana chahiye jabke "U" ke muqabil hai. issi tarah pyaar ka "r" aur aakhri rukan khali hai. Faa´u´"Nothing"´- faa´s´le´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- aa´ye´ab´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- unn´k´?´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- dar´mi´yaaN´-
? khaali hai ,... [/b][/color] Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ab´ta´ras´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- te´haiN´hanS´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- see´ko´har´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ?´gha´ri´- Iss meiN aik rukan khali hai ,... Faa´u´"Nothing"´- hum´ka´bhi´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- reh´te´the´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- har´pal´shaa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´-d´maaN´? Iss meiN shaa´d´maaN ka wazn hai Faa´u´"Nothing"´jabke Aap ne kiye hai Faa´Faa´u´,.... isi tarah last rukn bhi khali hai.[/b][/color] Faa´u´"Nothing"´- jhil´mi´laa´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- te´inn´si´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- taa´roN´meiN´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ?´kaN´wal´- YahaN bhi "inn" aur khali rukan hai ,... Faa´u´"Nothing"´- dhooN´d´ti´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- hooN´main´khush´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- shi´ke´kuch´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´-´?´ni´shaaN´-
YahaN aik rukn khali hai ,... [/b][/color] Faa´u´"Nothing"´- mau´sa´me´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- gul´bhi´to´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- aa´ye´ga´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- ?´kaN´wal´-
YahaN bhi aik rukan khali hai,... Faa´u´"Nothing"´- yeh´cha´li´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- jaa´ye´gi´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´- aa´khir´khi´-
Faa´u´"Nothing"´-zaa´eiN´?
yahaN Aakhir ka wazn ghalt hai iska wazn Faa Faa ya Faa "Nothing" ho sakta hai Faa u kisi soorat nahiN [/b][/color] Naheed jee ,...
Meri iss gustaakhi ka plzz bura na manaaiye ga, ho sakta hai main ghalt hooN, be shaQ Aap bohat jaanti hai, ilm rakhti haiN, shayed Aapko samjhne meiN ya jaldi meiN ghalt fehmi ho gayee ho, be shaQ meri ghazl meiN ghaltiyaN hoNgi lekin jo jitna bhi mujhe samjh aaya maine keh diya,...
Aapne jiss muhabbat aur khaloos se meri islaah karne ki koshish ki hai wo haqeeqatan Qabil e fakhar hai, lekin plzz aap aik baar phir se dekh lijiye kiyoNke yeh mere seekhne ki umr hai ,...
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Post by naheedv on Aug 2, 2008 6:15:46 GMT 5
Kanwal,
aap kee ghazal aap kee bataayee huyee behr par fit naheeN aati hai. aap agar apni ghazal se mutma'in haiN tau please meree post disregard kar dijiye.
shukriya Naheed
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Post by Sukhanwar on Aug 2, 2008 22:44:21 GMT 5
main nay kanwal ki ghazal bhi parhi aur us k hawalay sy naheed sahiba k reply bhi naheed sahiba main aap ki tashee sy mutafiq nahin hun kanwal aap ki ghazal aik do maqamaat k siwa drust hy magar ap nay jis tara is ki taqtee ki hy wo drust nahin aap ki ghazal ki behr yeh hy faaelun faelun faaelun faaelun
yeh ghazal faoolun faolun main nahi hy
ghazal k 4th aur 5th shair k doosray misron main gar bar hy unhain drust kar lain to sb theek ho jaay ga
4th shair ka doosra misra yoon ho ga laa de mujh ko kahin sy ay umre rawan
5th shair ka doosra misra bvhi tabdeel kar lain faaslay kis tara aa gaaay darmyan
baaqi naheed sahiba ny jis tara is main tabdeelian keen un sy main mutafiq nahin laykin yeh khushi ki baat hy k unhon ny nishaandahi to ki poetry main koi bhi harf e aakhir nahin hota insaan tamaam umr seekhnay k maraahil main rehta hy is forum k asl maqsid hi yeh hy k yahan hum aik doosray sy seekhtay hain agar aap ko ya naheed sahiba ki mayri kisi baat sy ikhtlaaf ho to khul k baat kijiay main ghalati par hua to khulay dill sy tasleem kar loon ga thanx razi
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Post by Atif Mirza on Aug 3, 2008 15:49:33 GMT 5
KaNwal ki iss ghazal per Mohatrma Naheed Virk†nay apna intehaaee qeemti waqt sarf kar ka islaah ataa farmaaiee hai. Mujhay KaNwal aur Razi Sahib kay PM milay keh iss per apna tabsara karooN. Mujhay Naheed sahiba kishaeri main mahaarat aur unn kay ilm per koi shuba nahiN. Laikin Razi Bhai kay hukm kay mutabiq iss per tabsara mujh per laazim tha, so main nay KaNwal ki apni ghazal aur Naheed Sahiba ki taraf islaah kardaa ghazal ka sirf uroozi tajzia kia hai. Baqi fanni etibaar say ghazal ko pukhta shaer say behtar koi nahiN kar sakta. Lihazaa main KaNwal ko yehi mashwara dooN ga keh wo mairay pehlay walay post kay mutabiq asaatiza ka kalaam paRhaiN.
Naheed sahiba nay likha hai:-Dear Kanwal, main ne aap kee ye ghazal paRhi aur pasaNd aayi tau daad dene haazir ho gai. iss ke saath saath maiN ne aap ko ghazal ko behr meN karne kii aik koshish kee hai. choonke aap ne ghazal kahee hai aur ghazal ke liye aik khaas meter huvaa kartaa hai jis ke wazn ke palaRe meN she'r kahe jaate haiN tau ise maiN ne behr meN likhaa hai, aap daikh lijiye. shukriya Naheed KaNwal! Tenssion not! Yeh islaah Naheed Ji nay khair sagaali kay jazbay kay teht di hai. Unn ki niyyat per shuba na karo aur issay bhi musbat lo.
Ab rahi baat iss sawaal ki keh yeh islaah theek hai ya nahiN tau arz hai keh yeh islaah bazaat-e-khud islaah talab hai.
Naheed ji! Iss ghazal ki behr kia hai? Aur uss kay arkaan kon kon say haiN?
Ab main inn sawaaloN kay jawaab ka intezaar tau nahiN kar sakta lihazaa main khud hi jawaab day deta hooN!
Iss ki behr hai,â€Behr-e-Mutadarik – Musamman Salimâ€
“Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilun Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilun --- Faa’ilunâ€
Iss sher per ghaur kijiay:-
Mit gaay ishq main, imtihaaN ho chukaa Bus sitam hum peh aye aasmaaN ho chukaa
Taqtee:-
Mit gaay --- ish qamai --- imtihaa --- ho chukaa Bus sitam --- hum pe aye ---- aasmaa --- ho chukaa
Ab main aik aik kar kay kanwal kay ashaar aur Naheed Sahiba ki taraf say islaah karda ashaar per tabsiraa karooN ga.Main huN tanhaai hai aur hai Aasman Meri yaadon ki phaili hai yeh kehkashaan KaNwal! YahaN Naheed sahiba nay lafz ‘Tairi†istemaal ka jo mashwara diya hai ussay aap qabool kijiay.
Main hu tan ---- haai hai ---- aur hai ---- Aasma Tairi yaa -----do ki phai ---li hai yeh ----- kehkashaa1. maiN hoo tan ----- haai hai ---- aur hai ---- aasmaa teree yaa ---- do kee hai ---- har soo ---- kehkashaa Naheed ji doosray misray main aap nay lafz “Teree†lagaya, Khayaal kay etibaar say durust hai, magar talaffuf wazeh karnay kay liay issay “Tairi†likha jay tau behtar hai. Phir Aap nay istemaal kia hai “har soo†jo keh “Fe’"Nothing"†kay wazan per aataa hai. Agar “haar soo†likhaiN tau “Faa’ilun†kay wazan par aa tau jay ga magar sher bay maani ho jay ga. HaaN yahaN “har taraf†likhaiN tau “Faa’ilun†kay wazan per misraa poora bhiutray ga aur sher ki maanviyat bhi barqaraar rahay gi.
Tairi yaa ---- do kee hai ----- har taraf ---- kehkashaa------------------------------------------------------------------- Timtimaatay huay jo yeh taare haiN sab Mere apnay bi rehtay haiN kab sy wahaN Timtimaa ---- tay huay ---- jo yeh taa ---- ray hai sab Mere ap ---- nay bi reh ---- tay hai kab ----- sy waha
Weh wazan main hai.2. jagmagaate ye sitaare hee naheeN mere apne bhee haiN un ke darmiyaaN Aap ka yeh islaah karda sher iss behr say nikal kar doosri behr maiN dakhil ho gayaa hai jo keh “Behr-e-Ramal – Musaddas Makhzoof†maiN aa jaataa hai.
Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilun Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilun
Jagmagaate ---- ye sitaare ----hee naahee mere apne ---- bhee hai un ke ---- darmiyaa---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Door tak koi saathi bhi jab naa milay To kaho phir chalay kaysay ab kaarwaN Door tak ---- koi saa ---- th b jab ---- naa milay To kaho ---- phir chalay ----- kaysay ab ---- kaarwa
YahaN wazan tau poora hai magar misra-e-oolaa main lafz “naa†munasib nahiN. Naa main hay asl main haa=e=makhfi hai jiss ka wazan shumaar nahiN hota.3. koi saathee bhee no ho jab door tak tau kaho kaise chale phir ye kaarvaaN koi saa ---- th bh no ----- ho(way) jab ---- door tak tau kaho ---- kaise chal ---- e phir ye ---- kaarvaa
Yeh sher taqtee par poora nahiN utarta.3. (ye she'r aap nikaal deN tau behtar hai) Aap ka islaah shudaa sher nikaal daiN tau behtar hai.---------------------------------------------------------------- Meri shaitaniyaN, meri NaadaniyaN Laa de mujhe kahiN se e umr e rawaN Mairi shai ---- taaniyaa ---- mairi naa ----daniyaa Laa de muj ---- ____kahi ---- se e um ---- r-e-rawaa
Pehla misraa wazan main hai. Doosray main “Mujhay†ki jagaa “mujh ko†lagaa daiN wazan iss tarah poora ho ga:-
Laa de muj ---- ko kahi ---- se aye um ---- r-e-rawaa
(Iss sher per Naheed Sahiba nay koi islaah tajweez nahiN ki, haalaaNkeh yahaN tabdeeli ki zaroorat thi.--------------------------------------------------------------------------- QurbateiN, UlfateiN thiN jahaN par kabhi Faasle aaye kaise un ke darmiyaN Qurbatei ---- Ulfatei ---- thi jahaa ---- par kabhi
Yeh misraa theek hai.
Faasle aaye kaise un ke darmiyaN
Yeh misraa theek nahiN, issay kuchh aisay set karaiN:-
Faaslay ---- aa gay ---- kaiseay ab ---- darmiya4. jin ke dil meN chaahateN theeN, pyaar thaa faasile aaye ab un ke darmiyaaN Jin ke dil ---- men (yeh) chaa ---- hatay thii ---- pyaar thaa Faasile ----- aaye ab ---- un ke dar ---- miyaan (bhi)
DonoN misroN main aik aik rukn ki kami hai, bharti kay liay main nay bracket main alfaaz likhay haiN. Jin say wazan tau poora ho jaata hai magar sher ki khoobsoorti bigaR jaati hai.---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Muskuraaye hue hum ko muddat hui Jabke har pal raha karte the shaadmaaN Muskura ---- aye hue ---- hum ko mud ---- dat hui Jab ke har ---- pal raha ---- karte the ---- shaadmaa
Yeh wazan main hai!5. ab taraste haiN haNsee ko har ghaRee hum kabhee rehte thay har pal shaadmaaN ab taras ---- te haiN (hum) ---- hansee ko ---- har ghaRee hum kabhee ---- rehte thay ---- ha(a)r pal ---- shaadmaa
Pehlay misray maiN (hum) ka izafa kia. Magar yahaN lafz “haNsee†ka talaffuz ghalat ho kar “noon ghunna†“noon main tabdeel ho raha hai. Agar issay “haNsnay†likha jaay tau theek ho ga. Doosray misray maiN “har†ko agar “haar†parhaiN tau wazan poora hota hai. Jo keh ghalat lafz hai.---------------------------------------------------------------------- jhilmilaahat jo taaron ki hy har gharri Dhoondti hoon musarat k main kuch nishaan Jhilmilaa ---- hat jo taa ---- ro ki hai ---- har gharri Doodti ---- hoo musar ---- rat k mai ---- kuch nishaa
Yeh bhi wazan maiN hai.6. jhilmilaate inn sitaaroN miN :Kanwal: DhooNDatee hooN maiN khushee ke kuch nishaaN Aap ka yeh islaah karda sher iss behr say nikal kar doosri behr maiN dakhil ho gayaa hai jo keh “Behr-e-Ramal – Musaddas Makhzoof†maiN aa jaataa hai.
Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilun Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilaatun ---- Faa’ilun
Jhilmilaate ---- inn sitaaro ---- mai Ka-wal DooDtee hoo ---- mai khushee ke ---- kuch nishaa------------------------------------------------------------------ Aaj dulhan sa aanchal gagan ka liay Yeh zameeN kitni lagti hai dilkash , jawaaN Aaj dul ---- han sa aa ---- chal gagan ---- ka liay Ye zamee ---- kitni lag ---- ti hai dil ----- kash jawaa
Urdu main lafz “dulhan†ka talaffuz “dul-han†nahiN hai. “Laam†aur “Hay†kay milnay say “Lhay†ki aawaaz niklay gi. “Bhayâ€, “Phayâ€, “Thay†waghaira ki tarah. Lihaza uss talaffuz main “du-lhan†l;ikhaiN tau sher wazan say kharij ho jaataa hai. Issa iss tarah durust kia jaa sakta hai.
Hay du-lhan kaa saa aaNchal gagan kay liay
Hay du-lhan ---- kaa saa aa ---- chal gagan ---- kay liay
(YahaN bhi Naheed Sahiba nay koi islaah tajweez nahiN ki, Aur yeh sher unn ki tawajaah ka talib tha.)-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sun kaNwal aaye ga mausam e gul bhi ab Jaate jaate hi jaaye gi aakhir khizaaN Sun kawal ---- aaye ga ---- mausamay ---- gul bhi ab Jaate jaa ---- te hi jaa ----aye gi aa ---- khir khizaa
Yeh bilkul behr main hai.7. mosam.e.gul bhee tau aaye gaa :Kanwal: ye chalee hee jaaye gee aakhir KhizaaN mosamay ----.gul bhee tau ----- aaye gaa ---- (aye) Kanwal ye chalee ---- h jaaye gee ---- aakhir(ish) ---- (ab) Khizaa
Pehlay aur doosray misroN main biltarteeb (aye) aur (ab) lagaatay haiN tau wazan pooraa hotaa hai, warna sher behr say kharij hai.
KaNwal! yeh lo tumhari baat bhi poori kar di aur nishan dahi kay saath sath kuchh apni daanist maiN durustgiyaaN tajweez ki haiN. Yeh khayaal bhi rakha hai keh aap ka apna khayaal aur andaaz na badlay. Umeed hai keh ab tum mutmain ho gi.
Naheed ji! mera maqsad aap kay ilm aur maharat ko challange karna nahiN hai. Mujhay bhi shaeri nahiN aati, yeh bus meray Ustaad-e-Mohtaram Allama Anees Lakhnavi aur Dost Shaer Mushtaq Khalil sahib ki muhabbat kay tufail Allah nay dau lafz seedhay karnay ka dhaNg sikhlaa diya. MaiN kissi bhi taur aap say mukhalifat nahiN kar rahaa hooN. Lihaza aap iss naagawaar matt jaaniay ga. Umeed hei keh meri yeh adnaa si guzarish aap ko manzoor ho gi. ap nay jo saee-o-koshish ki uss kay liay bahut mamnoon hooN. Allah aap ka Haami-o-Nasir ho aur diyaar-e-ghair maiN apni hifz-o-amaan maiN rakhay. Aameen
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Post by kanwal on Aug 3, 2008 22:46:07 GMT 5
Kanwal, aap kee ghazal aap kee bataayee huyee behr par fit naheeN aati hai. aap agar apni ghazal se mutma'in haiN tau please meree post disregard kar dijiye. shukriya Naheed bohat hi mohtaram Naheed jee ,...
Mera Khuda jaanta hai ke maine sach kaha tha ke mujhe Aapka andaaz acha laga ,...
Mujhe yaad nahiN parta ke kab maine kaha main apni ghazl se mutmain hooN, my dear insaan jahaN par mutmain ho jaaye wahiN se usske liye pataal ka rasta khul jaata hai, Jiss tarah yeh kaha jaata hai ke:
NO BODY IS PERFECT; but only Mohammad SW
ussi tarah yeh bhi haQ hai ke mutmain hone waali zaat sirf aur sirf aik hi hai, so maine to khud kaha tha k:
Main to post hi issi liyye karti hooN take Aap jaise seniors mujh jaisi tifl emaktab ki help kar sakeiN,....
Na mujhe Aapka kehna bura laga aur na mujhe Aap ka andaaz, Bas Aapne jo islaah ki uss se main thori confuse si ho gayee,... Iss ke ilawa wallaH aur koi baat na thi,....
Main to Aapki tahi dil se shukr guzaar hooN ke Aapki badaulat meri ghazl pe baat hui,... islaaH ki gayee ,...
Aap Khudara apne dil meiN koi baat na rakhiye ga, kyuNke mera dil saaf hai, aur Aapka shukr guzaar hai ,.....
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Post by kanwal on Aug 3, 2008 23:08:12 GMT 5
main nay kanwal ki ghazal bhi parhi aur us k hawalay sy naheed sahiba k reply bhi naheed sahiba main aap ki tashee sy mutafiq nahin hun Thank You Razi jee ke Aap ne apne qeemati waqt meiN se kuch saa´teiN humari adnaa si ghazL ke naaM kiN ,... Sorry razi jee ,.....
Mera matlab bhi to "Faa´i´"Nothing"" tha na, ab ye zer paish meiN main confuse ho jaati hooN ,...
haaN hindsoN meiN mujhe asaani rehti hai, dekhiye maine Fa´oo´"Nothing" hota to 122´ jabke maine likha tha: 212´212´212´212´ hi likha hai, Bas yeh "u" aur "i" ke chakar meiN par gayee ,... thank you Razi jee ,...
i wíll ,... Thank you Razi jee ,...
be shaQ ghaltiyoN ko maan kar sudhaarne waale hi asl meiN insaan hote haiN,...
Mujhe khushi hui ke mujhe apni iss ghazL se seekhne ko milla, aur jo meri ghazl ki kamzoriyaaN thiN woh ayaaN ho ke unki islaah ki gayee ,...
Main aainda mazeed khayaal rakha karooNgi beshaQ maine aapke Forum se hi bohat kuch seekha hai, ....
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Post by kanwal on Aug 4, 2008 0:05:53 GMT 5
KaNwal ki iss ghazal per Mohatrma Naheed Virk†nay apna intehaaee qeemti waqt sarf kar ka islaah ataa farmaaiee hai. Mujhay KaNwal aur Razi Sahib kay PM milay keh iss per apna tabsara karooN.
Thank you Atif jee ,...
Aapko Pm karne ka maqsad mehz yehi tha ke agar koi confusion hai to door ho jaaye, main to seekh rahi hooN, tifl e maktab hooN, behr ko ziyada jaanti pehchaanti nahiN so mujhe laga ke aap hi isse door kar sakte haiN ,...
Lihaaza mujhe yeh dekh kar khushi hui ke Aapne apne qeemati waqt meiN se kuch ghariyaaN nikaal kar meri tooti phooti tehreer ki nok palak saNwaar di ,....
Thank you jee ,... Be shaQ maine Aapke mashware ko sanjeedagi se pehle bhi lia tha aur ab bhi, INSHALLAH main main baqaaidgi se parhti rahoongi ,....[/i][/size][/font][/color] Dear Kanwal, main ne aap kee ye ghazal paRhi aur pasaNd aayi tau daad dene haazir ho gai. iss ke saath saath maiN ne aap ko ghazal ko behr meN karne kii aik koshish kee hai. choonke aap ne ghazal kahee hai aur ghazal ke liye aik khaas meter huvaa kartaa hai jis ke wazn ke palaRe meN she'r kahe jaate haiN tau ise maiN ne behr meN likhaa hai, aap daikh lijiye. shukriya Naheed KaNwal! Tenssion not! Yeh islaah Naheed Ji nay khair sagaali kay jazbay kay teht di hai. Unn ki niyyat per shuba na karo aur issay bhi musbat lo.[/quote]
Ba Khuda maine aik pal ke liye bhi Naheed jee ke khaloos pe shaQ nahiN kiya, mera reaction normaly waisa hi tha jaisa aik bache ka tab ho sakta hai jab teacher usski math ki copy par 2+2= 5 likh de,... Ab wo bechaara to apna chota sa damaagh hi laraata hi rahe ga na ke 2+2= 5 kaise ho gaye?,....
So apna bhi kuch yehi confusion tha ,...
[/i][/size][/font][/color][/quote] beshaQ isski yehi behr hai ,... Mashwara Qabool Kiyaa jee ,...
Meri ko teri kar diya aur har tarf ko add kar liya ,...
Thank you jee ,...
Thank you ,...Thank you ,...
Razi jee ne bhi issi misre meiN yehi tabdeeli karwaayee hai, jo maine not kar li hai ,... hmmm,...
Theek maine taseeH kar li hai iss sher ki ,...thanx ,.... Thank you so much Atif jee ,...
Yaqeenan ab koi confusion baaqi nahiN rahi ,...
Aap agar iss taraH nishaan dahi kar diya kareiN to naye seekhne waaloN ke liye aik haseeN tohfaa hoga Aapki tarf se, aur jab bhi unke kaam ko saraaha jaaye ga uss meiN Aapke liye bas duaeiN hi duaeiN hoNgi, ...
Aur mere nazdeek yeh ghaate ka sauda to nahiN ,...
Aik baar phir se iss help ke liye main dil ki gehraiyoN se Aap ki shukr guzaar hooN,
[/i][/size][/font][/color][/quote] Naheed jee ki main bhi be had shukr guzaar hooN ke unhi ke tuafail Sukhanwar pe yeh Silsila shuru hua ,...
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Post by Atif Mirza on Aug 4, 2008 0:45:17 GMT 5
KaNwal U R always welcom.
Sachi baat yeh hai keh mujhay khud kuchh nahiN aataa. MaiN kia naay likhnay waloN ki islaah karooN ga. Bahar haal koshish zaroor ho gi keh Allah nay jo ilm diya hai ussay phailaaooN. Masalaa sirf waqt ka aa jaataa hai. Ab apni post ko hi daikh lo, yeh tumharay PM aanay say aaj tak taqreeban do roz lay gayee. MaiN tamaam posts pehlay Word maiN likhta hooN phir yahaN paste karta hooN takeh bijli jaanay ki soorat maiN kaam mehfooz rahay.
Waisay mujh say bahut ziyaadaa ilm rakhnay walay, mujh say bahut achhchhi shaeri karnay walay, mairay nihayat mohtaram seniors yahaN mojood haiN. Unn say bhi guzarish ki jaa sakti hai keh woh Urdu Adab ki tarweej-o-taraqqi kay liay apna farz adaa karaiN.
Iss silsilay maiN Dr Suhail Abbas saheb nay mujhay apna thesis ka doosra baab bhaija hai, jiss ki forum kay mutabiq setting maiN masroof hooN. Aahista aahista maiN Dr sb ki yeh research yahaN post karta rahooN ga. Jo hum sub seekhnay waloN kay liay faeda mand sabit ho gi.
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