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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Jun 18, 2012 22:33:17 GMT 5
Achi koshish Zuber abhi mazeed mehnat aur ghaur ki zaroorat hay
Mazeed zra fursat say baat ho gi
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Post by Sukhanwar on Jun 25, 2012 0:34:29 GMT 5
misra tarha " jhonka hawaa ka tha idhar aaya udhar gaya"
dil ko dukha key bewafaa jaane kidhar gaya itna toota ye dil key chune sey bikhar gaya
wo shaks jo nashe mein aisa kaam kar gaya guzri tamam umr na uska asar gaya
rishton ka jo lehaaz bhi na rakh saka kabhi aakhir hamari woh nazar sey hi utar gaya
din raat dhut sharaab ki halat mein gum raha jhonka hawaa ka tha idhar aaya udhar gaya
jisko lagi ye lat kahan wo phir sudhar gaya kuch kehtey hain guzar gaya kuch kehtey mar gaya
kal tak zubair mein jinka saya ban key saath that anjaan sa wo aaj baazu sey guzar gaya
please tell me whether this gazal is in perfect metre (baher/Takhti Etc. ) Thanks for your valuable comments and guidance... aap ki ghazal main kahin kahin drust misray hain aur aksar maqamaat per aap wazan ya behr sy khaarij ho jaatay hain aap agar koshish jaari rakhain isi tara kisi na kisi misray per mashq kartay rahain to aap jald shair kehnay lagain gy hum aap ki takhliqaat k muntazir rahain gy
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Jun 25, 2012 2:02:37 GMT 5
misra tarha " jhonka hawaa ka tha idhar aaya udhar gaya"
dil ko dukha key bewafaa jaane kidhar gaya itna toota ye dil key chune sey bikhar gaya
wo shaks jo nashe mein aisa kaam kar gaya guzri tamam umr na uska asar gaya
rishton ka jo lehaaz bhi na rakh saka kabhi aakhir hamari woh nazar sey hi utar gaya
din raat dhut sharaab ki halat mein gum raha jhonka hawaa ka tha idhar aaya udhar gaya
jisko lagi ye lat kahan wo phir sudhar gaya kuch kehtey hain guzar gaya kuch kehtey mar gaya
kal tak zubair mein jinka saya ban key saath that anjaan sa wo aaj baazu sey guzar gaya
please tell me whether this gazal is in perfect metre (baher/Takhti Etc. ) Thanks for your valuable comments and guidance... Razi bhai nay sahi kaha . maiN dilshikni kay khauf say kuch keh na ska dil ko dukha key bewafaa jaane kidhar gaya wo shaks jo nashe mein aisa kaam kar gaya guzri tamam umr na uska asar gaya rishton ka jo lehaaz bhi na rakh saka kabhi din raat dhut sharaab ki halat mein gum raha yeh misray wazan maiN haiN
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zuber
ibtidaai rukn
Posts: 13
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Post by zuber on Jun 25, 2012 17:25:11 GMT 5
AssslamaWalaikum!
Thanks for your valuable comments
Yeh koyee dil shikani nahin hai Sir,
but it will motivate me to write shairs in correct forms
Inshaallah I will try again and again...
Thanking You...
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Post by Sukhanwar on Jun 26, 2012 1:54:25 GMT 5
AssslamaWalaikum! Thanks for your valuable comments Yeh koyee dil shikani nahin hai Sir, but it will motivate me to write shairs in correct forms Inshaallah I will try again and again... Thanking You... bht achi baat hay aap yaqeenan kaamyab hon gay rafi bhai ny aap k un misron ki bhi nishandahi ki jo drust hain aur main to kaha karta hoon k agar koi aik misra bhi theek kehta hy to usay mayoos nahi hona chaahiay aap k to bht sy misray drust hain so carry on dear
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