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Post by shahkaar on Mar 3, 2008 19:47:07 GMT 5
Mehfil kay azeez dosto!!
Aik afsna aap logoon ki khidmat mein pesh ker reha hoon.Mulahiza farmaye.
wassalam
Shahkaar
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Mar 3, 2008 22:43:24 GMT 5
wah bohat khoob Waqaar Masood Khan Sahib
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Post by Sukhanwar on Mar 4, 2008 0:26:15 GMT 5
waqar aap ka afsana main ny bohat ghaur say aur do martaba parha hy aap ki tehreer main rawani mojood hay jo aap ki deegar tehreeronmain bhi nazar aati hay is afsanay main manzar nigari bhi khoob hy magar is ka plot mazboot nahin kahani ko jo treatment aap dayna chaahtay thay woh nahi day paay afsana aik zor daar jhatkay k saath khatmhota hy woh jhatka jo bus main safar kartay huay qaydi ko bus ruknay par laga wohi jhatka mujhay bhi is afsanay k khaatmay par laga aap ka markazi kirdaar kion jail gia yeh sawal har parhnay walay k zehn main ubhray ga aap nay aik chonka daynay wala anjaam to dia magar is ka jawaaz nahi paysh kia mera khyaal hy meray is bay laag tabsray ko aap mehsoos nahi karain gay aap k deegar afsanonk muqaablay main yeh aik kamzor afsana hy ..aap k han jo talent mojood hay is afsanay mainus ka izhar nahi hota thanx razi
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Post by shahkaar on Mar 4, 2008 14:08:04 GMT 5
waqar aap ka afsana main ny bohat ghaur say aur do martaba parha hy aap ki tehreer main rawani mojood hay jo aap ki deegar tehreeronmain bhi nazar aati hay is afsanay main manzar nigari bhi khoob hy magar is ka plot mazboot nahin kahani ko jo treatment aap dayna chaahtay thay woh nahi day paay afsana aik zor daar jhatkay k saath khatmhota hy woh jhatka jo bus main safar kartay huay qaydi ko bus ruknay par laga wohi jhatka mujhay bhi is afsanay k khaatmay par laga aap ka markazi kirdaar kion jail gia yeh sawal har parhnay walay k zehn main ubhray ga aap nay aik chonka daynay wala anjaam to dia magar is ka jawaaz nahi paysh kia mera khyaal hy meray is bay laag tabsray ko aap mehsoos nahi karain gay aap k deegar afsanonk muqaablay main yeh aik kamzor afsana hy ..aap k han jo talent mojood hay is afsanay mainus ka izhar nahi hota thanx razi Razi Bhai
Assalam o Alaikum
yeh meray leye khushi ki baat hay keh aap ne afsana baray ghaur se parhaa aur apni haqeeqi raye pesh kee.aap nay sahee farmaya keh afsana qadray tajassuss amaiz hay, shayed yeh aik aam qaree ko to samajh na aye jab keh aisa hona nahi chahyee, lekin aik chalaak qaree foran waja jaan jata hay, mein un tamaam maqamaat ko yehan dobarah pesh kerta hoon jehan jehan mein ne us ke jail janay ki waja khulaay lafzoon bayaan ki hay, dekhyee....1. 2. In tamaam sutoor mein yeh wazaah samajh atee hy keh woh kabhi aik choor, dakoo reh chuka hay, badmaash aur sar phiraaa jo cheena jhaptee, chori aur badmaashi se daakay daltaa thaa, aur dekhein yeh isharaa keh us ki qismat mein andhay chaand ki raat kay sayoon mein bhaatakna likha tha, to qaree jab afsana parh ker jaan leta hay keh usay jail hoye hay to q waja dhondta hay to us baat per ghaur karay to bakhubi samajh atee hay keh woh choorii aur dakeetee jaisee negative sargarmi mein mubtalaa tha, aur phir yeh fiqra keh khud us ke saayee tak ko bhi khabar na thee keh woh kab ataa aur kab jata hay, yeh istaaraatee taur per nahi haqeeqq likha gaya hay keh woh ratoon ko nikalta tha, to raatoon ko choore dakeetee andheeray mein hi kertay hein, roshni se bhagtay hein to waqee uoon us ka sayaa roshni ki waja se na hota tha, neez agar mein is afsanaay mein waja beyaan kernay beth jataa to yeh asal mozoo se hatt jat aur novelt ban jataa, taveel ho jataa, phir mujhay batan parta us ne konsi chori ki jis ki waja se jail howa, kaisay pakraa gayaa, q pakraa gaya, us ke sathee thay ya nahin, to uoon mukhtasir in tamaam fiqraat se yeh saaf zahir kernay ki koshish ki hay keh woh choorii daakeetee, cheena jhapteee aur badmashi jaiseee manfee sargarmyoon mein mubtaalaa thaa. yeh bhi likha keh jehn bhi jaisay bhi dil chahtaa oh eent rooraa garaa matee hasil ker leta , yani yeh tamaam istaaraay apnaa ghar bananay, dolaat jama kernay, aapnay leye saholeyaat hasil kernay kay taur per beyaan hoye hein, qaree kay zehen mein yeh baat ani chahyee keh eent rooraa garaa matee ghar tameer karnay kay leye nahi balkeh apnay leye sahooleyaat maal doolat hasil kernay kay taur per istemaal howa hay,
baqee afsanaa per mein mazeed tawajja doon ga, meri koye baat buri lagee ho to maazraat, lekin mujhay aap ki yeh baat buhut acchi lagee keh aap ne tafseel se afsanay kay baray mein izhaar e khayaal keyaa, shukria aap ka, yeh meray leye taryaaq ka darja rakhta hay.
aap ka mamnoon
shahkaar
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Post by shahkaar on Mar 4, 2008 14:09:47 GMT 5
wah bohat khoob Waqaar Masood Khan Sahib
Dr Saheb
Hosla afzayee ka be had shukria.aap ne zehmat ki keh tabeeat ki nasaazgee kay bawajood computer per beth ker itni deer yeh tehreer paree, naa haq aap ko mushkil hoye, ham aap ke sehetyaabi ke leye dua gu hein.
shahkaar
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Post by Tanweer on Mar 4, 2008 18:43:31 GMT 5
Waqar Masud Sahib!
Razi bhaee ki tarah mein nay bhi aapka afsana baghor parha, aur bay sakhta wohi sab kuch meray zehan mein bhi obhra jis k zikar Razi Sahib nay kiya, phir neechay aapki reply bhi parh le, jis mein aap nay wazahat ki hay.
Bas baat wohi hay, afsanay ka plot acha hay, anjaam bhi acha hay aur chonka denay wala hay... kuch aisa hona chahiey k qari ko shakook-o-shubhaat na hon, har satar parhnay k saath goya os par kirdaar ka aur mahol ka mazi, haal aur mustaqbil ujagar ho jaey, aur qari ko yon mehsoos ho jaisay markazi kirdar wo khud hay aur ye sab kuch os par he beet raha hay.
Omeed k meri baton say aap etefaq karien gay.
Moong phalion mein rakhi mati ki deghchi... esko agar aap "haandi" likh dein to meray khiyal mein ziyada chashni peda ho gi.
Aik achi kawish par meri janib say daad. Mazeed likhtay rahiey.
Tanweer
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Post by kanwal on Mar 6, 2008 2:09:25 GMT 5
Waqar jee ,... Adaab ,... Aapka afsaana parha,... "Kaash" parhte hue yuN laga jaise kaash yeh aisa hota jo har Qaari ki soch o samajh talak asaani tak rasaayee kar kar ta. Qaari Qaari hota hai, kamzor aur chalaak nahiN, agar aisa hai to phir to adeeb ko difine karna para kare ga ke yeh aam qaari ke liye hai aur yeh chalaak Qaari ke liye ,.... Aapke afsaane ki ibitdaa bohat dilchasp lagi, rawaani bhi hai magar phir bhi kahiN kahiN rabt samjh nahiN aayee ( shayed main achi Qaari nahiN hooN na ,.... ) jitni dilchaspi ibtidaa meiN hui aakhir tak waqae soch ko bhi breack lagaani pari ,.... doosra isske unwaan ko bhi agar iss meiN admit kiya jaata to yeh aur nikhar jaata, ..................... Gustaakhi mu´aafi,.... mujhe humesha aapke afsaanoN se bohat kuch seekhne ko mila hai, main aamil o adeeb nahiN, maine jo likha hai woh sirf mere point of view hai, may be main ghalt hooN, koi baat buri lagi ho to mu´aafi chahti hooN. Waise aapne aik eham mozu par Qalam uthaaya hai aur khoob uthaaya hai,.... Aik pur assar afsaane par dil ki gehraaiyoN se daad ke phooL.
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Post by kanwal on Mar 6, 2008 2:11:45 GMT 5
waqar aap ka afsana main ny bohat ghaur say aur do martaba parha hy aap ki tehreer main rawani mojood hay jo aap ki deegar tehreeronmain bhi nazar aati hay is afsanay main manzar nigari bhi khoob hy magar is ka plot mazboot nahin kahani ko jo treatment aap dayna chaahtay thay woh nahi day paay afsana aik zor daar jhatkay k saath khatmhota hy woh jhatka jo bus main safar kartay huay qaydi ko bus ruknay par laga wohi jhatka mujhay bhi is afsanay k khaatmay par laga aap ka markazi kirdaar kion jail gia yeh sawal har parhnay walay k zehn main ubhray ga aap nay aik chonka daynay wala anjaam to dia magar is ka jawaaz nahi paysh kia mera khyaal hy meray is bay laag tabsray ko aap mehsoos nahi karain gay aap k deegar afsanonk muqaablay main yeh aik kamzor afsana hy ..aap k han jo talent mojood hay is afsanay mainus ka izhar nahi hota thanx razi Razi jee aapka yeh andaaz mujhe acha laga ,..... ghazls meiN islaah aksar ki jaati hai lekin Nassar meiN bhi islahi pehloo hote haiN jin pe tawajah di jaaye to huM jaise seekhne waaloN ki bohat help ho jaaya kare gi ,.... Meri darkhaast hai ke aap iss andaaz ko Qaym rakheiN kyuNke aap nishaan dahi kareiN ge to sab bhi iss meiN hissa leiN ge ,...
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Post by shahkaar on Mar 6, 2008 7:27:24 GMT 5
Waqar Masud Sahib! Razi bhaee ki tarah mein nay bhi aapka afsana baghor parha, aur bay sakhta wohi sab kuch meray zehan mein bhi obhra jis k zikar Razi Sahib nay kiya, phir neechay aapki reply bhi parh le, jis mein aap nay wazahat ki hay. Bas baat wohi hay, afsanay ka plot acha hay, anjaam bhi acha hay aur chonka denay wala hay... kuch aisa hona chahiey k qari ko shakook-o-shubhaat na hon, har satar parhnay k saath goya os par kirdaar ka aur mahol ka mazi, haal aur mustaqbil ujagar ho jaey, aur qari ko yon mehsoos ho jaisay markazi kirdar wo khud hay aur ye sab kuch os par he beet raha hay. Omeed k meri baton say aap etefaq karien gay. Moong phalion mein rakhi mati ki deghchi... esko agar aap " haandi" likh dein to meray khiyal mein ziyada chashni peda ho gi. Aik achi kawish par meri janib say daad. Mazeed likhtay rahiey. Tanweer
Muhturam Tanveer saheb
Aap ki rehnumaye meray leye baes e fakhr hay.aap ne jin nukaat ki teraf tawajja delaye hay mein un ko dobarah se zueroor dekhoon ga aur islaah karoon ga.meray leye khushi ki baat hay keh aap nay afsana itnay ghaur se parha aur apnaaa bay laag tabsara likhaa.
mukhlis waqar masood khan
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Post by shahkaar on Mar 6, 2008 7:39:08 GMT 5
Waqar jee ,... Adaab ,... Aapka afsaana parha,... "Kaash" parhte hue yuN laga jaise kaash yeh aisa hota jo har Qaari ki soch o samajh talak asaani tak rasaayee kar kar ta. Qaari Qaari hota hai, kamzor aur chalaak nahiN, agar aisa hai to phir to adeeb ko difine karna para kare ga ke yeh aam qaari ke liye hai aur yeh chalaak Qaari ke liye ,.... Aapke afsaane ki ibitdaa bohat dilchasp lagi, rawaani bhi hai magar phir bhi kahiN kahiN rabt samjh nahiN aayee ( shayed main achi Qaari nahiN hooN na ,.... ) jitni dilchaspi ibtidaa meiN hui aakhir tak waqae soch ko bhi breack lagaani pari ,.... doosra isske unwaan ko bhi agar iss meiN admit kiya jaata to yeh aur nikhar jaata, ..................... Gustaakhi mu´aafi,.... mujhe humesha aapke afsaanoN se bohat kuch seekhne ko mila hai, main aamil o adeeb nahiN, maine jo likha hai woh sirf mere point of view hai, may be main ghalt hooN, koi baat buri lagi ho to mu´aafi chahti hooN. Waise aapne aik eham mozu par Qalam uthaaya hai aur khoob uthaaya hai,.... Aik pur assar afsaane par dil ki gehraaiyoN se daad ke phooL. aap ka hansta muskurataa aur chilbalataa tabsara parh ker bay ekhtyaar hansi aa gaye. aam qaree auer khaas qaree ki hargiz koye makhsoos tareef beyan nahi ki gaye, kehnay ka maqsad hay keh yeh ik sada sa afsana hay, jis mein us ke pachtaawoon ko beyaan keya gaya hay, akhir mein aa kar pata chal jata hay keh usay jail hoye hay , to extract yahi kia jata hay keh qaieedi ya kirdaar apnay keye per pachtaway ka shikar hay, aur us ne keya kia tha, woh mein razi bhai kay tabsaray kay jawab mein afsanay he se nikal ker pesh ker chukaa hoon, haan thora sa mushkil afsana zuroor hay kionkeh mein aisa nahi chahtaa tha keh qaree yeh baat pehlay say jaan sakay keh woh aik qaidee hay aur usay jail ki teraf le jaya ja reha hay, is terah meray saath akhir tak koye na chaltaaa, aur afsanay ka ikhtataam bhi sirf ronay dhonay walay alfaaz par khatm hota keh usay faalaan falaan saz milee, this and that , afsanay ka mqasad us ke pachtaaway aur qauideyoon ki nafseyaat beyaan kerna tha keh jab unhain qaid garee mein daal ker jail ki teraf le jaya ja reha hota hay to woh kia kuch mehsoos kertay hoon gay, bachay, waldain, azaad zindigi,bewi, sab kuch hi is mein aaa gaayaa, elawaa azeen afsanay mein jaga jagaa khaas taur per nishaandahee ki gaye hay keh kirdaar shuroo se hi ik critical situation mein hay.bus mein khirki nahi, qaicdeyoon ki garee mein nahi hoti(pakistan mein), woh kharay ho ker safar kertay hein(pak mein), un ke haath zanjeer se bandhay hotay hein(pak mein),woh hans hans ker ya cheekh ker aik dosray se batein kertay hein bus mein, woh sir uthaa uthaa ker bahir ki dunia dekhtay hein aur lazmi se baat hay yeh un ke leye baes e hasrat bhi hota ho ga, to dekhein keh yeh ik kitna sada sa afsana hay , afsanay ki asal rooh us ka mazi mustaqbil haal janna nahi tha, us ke un pachtaawoon aur ehsaasaat ko beyan karna tha jo keh woh ik azaad zindigi se nikal kar qaid honay ak mehsoos kerta hay , jab us ka zameer thora sa zuroor jagtaa hay , baqee mujhay buhut accha laga keh aap ne afsana itnay ghaur se parha aur baylaag tabsara deya, na sirf aap ne balkeh baqee dostoon nay bhi bharpoor raye de , kam az km is se yeh guman to howa keh mehfil mein apni tehreer bhejnay se islaah hoti hay, oobnch neech aur ghalti ka pata chaltaa hay, rehnumaye hoti hay, aur yeh zuroori nahi junior senior ki janib say ho, koye qaree bhi kar sakta hay, afsanay per yeh tafseeli jawaab na sirf aap ki post per hay balkeh tamam dostoon kay leye he keh woh mera woh takhayyull jaan sakain, jis per yeh afsanaa kion is halat mein likha gaya hay. ik marataba phir shukria ada kerta hoon.afsanay mein aap nay aur tamam dostoon nay jin nukaat ki nishandahee ki, mein zuroor un per nazr e saani karoon ga, shahkaar
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Post by Aqeel Malik on Mar 6, 2008 16:01:47 GMT 5
Mein Razi sahab say ikhtaf karty hoey apni baat ka aghaz karna chahta hon ke afsnay mein ye kiun nahi bataya gia ke markazi kardar jail mein kiun gia kiun ke bunyadi masla ye nahi ke ke wo jail kiun gia balkeb bunyadi mamla ye hay ke markazi kiradar ko bas say bahar ki dunya ke jo kirdar nazar arahay hein un mein apna aks dhond raha hay aur sochooN ki ghambeerta mein gum hay jahan tak is afsanay ki bat hay aik baat tu tay hay ke afsana nahi bana aik tu shuro say he afsanay par garift bahut dheeli aur opar say un ka nafsiari treatment locale kay sath insaf nahi kar paya wo karb jis ki bunyaad par is afsanay ko hona chaheay tha wo afsana nigar ka experience nahi ban paya jab ye bat kahi jati hay ke koe shay afsana nigar ka experience nahi ban pae tu is ka hargiz matlab ye nahi hota ke wo haqeeqi experience hasil karay aur phir likhay baat ye hay ke afsana nigar itna keen observer hota hay ke aik minute kirdar bhi us kay experiace mein asakta hay is bina par mujhy ye afsana bahut kamziir laga hay is kay plot par tawaju day kar isy re write karnay ki bahut zaroorat hay
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Post by kanwal on Mar 14, 2008 2:25:45 GMT 5
Waqar jee ,... Adaab ,... Aapka afsaana parha,... "Kaash" parhte hue yuN laga jaise kaash yeh aisa hota jo har Qaari ki soch o samajh talak asaani tak rasaayee kar kar ta. Qaari Qaari hota hai, kamzor aur chalaak nahiN, agar aisa hai to phir to adeeb ko difine karna para kare ga ke yeh aam qaari ke liye hai aur yeh chalaak Qaari ke liye ,.... Aapke afsaane ki ibitdaa bohat dilchasp lagi, rawaani bhi hai magar phir bhi kahiN kahiN rabt samjh nahiN aayee ( shayed main achi Qaari nahiN hooN na ,.... ) jitni dilchaspi ibtidaa meiN hui aakhir tak waqae soch ko bhi breack lagaani pari ,.... doosra isske unwaan ko bhi agar iss meiN admit kiya jaata to yeh aur nikhar jaata, ..................... Gustaakhi mu´aafi,.... mujhe humesha aapke afsaanoN se bohat kuch seekhne ko mila hai, main aamil o adeeb nahiN, maine jo likha hai woh sirf mere point of view hai, may be main ghalt hooN, koi baat buri lagi ho to mu´aafi chahti hooN. Waise aapne aik eham mozu par Qalam uthaaya hai aur khoob uthaaya hai,.... Aik pur assar afsaane par dil ki gehraaiyoN se daad ke phooL. aap ka hansta muskurataa aur chilbalataa tabsara parh ker bay ekhtyaar hansi aa gaye. aam qaree auer khaas qaree ki hargiz koye makhsoos tareef beyan nahi ki gaye, kehnay ka maqsad hay keh yeh ik sada sa afsana hay, jis mein us ke pachtaawoon ko beyaan keya gaya hay, akhir mein aa kar pata chal jata hay keh usay jail hoye hay , to extract yahi kia jata hay keh qaieedi ya kirdaar apnay keye per pachtaway ka shikar hay, aur us ne keya kia tha, woh mein razi bhai kay tabsaray kay jawab mein afsanay he se nikal ker pesh ker chukaa hoon, haan thora sa mushkil afsana zuroor hay kionkeh mein aisa nahi chahtaa tha keh qaree yeh baat pehlay say jaan sakay keh woh aik qaidee hay aur usay jail ki teraf le jaya ja reha hay, is terah meray saath akhir tak koye na chaltaaa, aur afsanay ka ikhtataam bhi sirf ronay dhonay walay alfaaz par khatm hota keh usay faalaan falaan saz milee, this and that , afsanay ka mqasad us ke pachtaaway aur qauideyoon ki nafseyaat beyaan kerna tha keh jab unhain qaid garee mein daal ker jail ki teraf le jaya ja reha hota hay to woh kia kuch mehsoos kertay hoon gay, bachay, waldain, azaad zindigi,bewi, sab kuch hi is mein aaa gaayaa, elawaa azeen afsanay mein jaga jagaa khaas taur per nishaandahee ki gaye hay keh kirdaar shuroo se hi ik critical situation mein hay.bus mein khirki nahi, qaicdeyoon ki garee mein nahi hoti(pakistan mein), woh kharay ho ker safar kertay hein(pak mein), un ke haath zanjeer se bandhay hotay hein(pak mein),woh hans hans ker ya cheekh ker aik dosray se batein kertay hein bus mein, woh sir uthaa uthaa ker bahir ki dunia dekhtay hein aur lazmi se baat hay yeh un ke leye baes e hasrat bhi hota ho ga, to dekhein keh yeh ik kitna sada sa afsana hay , afsanay ki asal rooh us ka mazi mustaqbil haal janna nahi tha, us ke un pachtaawoon aur ehsaasaat ko beyan karna tha jo keh woh ik azaad zindigi se nikal kar qaid honay ak mehsoos kerta hay , jab us ka zameer thora sa zuroor jagtaa hay , baqee mujhay buhut accha laga keh aap ne afsana itnay ghaur se parha aur baylaag tabsara deya, na sirf aap ne balkeh baqee dostoon nay bhi bharpoor raye de , kam az km is se yeh guman to howa keh mehfil mein apni tehreer bhejnay se islaah hoti hay, oobnch neech aur ghalti ka pata chaltaa hay, rehnumaye hoti hay, aur yeh zuroori nahi junior senior ki janib say ho, koye qaree bhi kar sakta hay, afsanay per yeh tafseeli jawaab na sirf aap ki post per hay balkeh tamam dostoon kay leye he keh woh mera woh takhayyull jaan sakain, jis per yeh afsanaa kion is halat mein likha gaya hay. ik marataba phir shukria ada kerta hoon.afsanay mein aap nay aur tamam dostoon nay jin nukaat ki nishandahee ki, mein zuroor un per nazr e saani karoon ga, shahkaar Nawazish ,.... Karam ,.... Mehrbaani ,.... janaaB ,..... Aapka tafseeeli jawaB parh ke acha laga ,... Chalo issi bahaane sabka bhala ho gayaa ,... Meri dua hai ke Khuda aapke Qalam meiN aur aur aur taseeer rakh de ,.... Ameen.
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Post by Atif Mirza on Nov 16, 2008 15:21:30 GMT 5
HooooooN!
Bus theek hi hai!
Baat Razi bhai ki kafi hud tak durust hai, aap ka jawab tasalli bakhsh nahiN hai.
Aap ibhaam kay qail kiyooN haiN?
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Post by Zagham Abidi on Dec 8, 2008 20:54:30 GMT 5
afsana perha aur us per jo tabsary hoay wo bhi perhay. hairani mujhay is bat per hoe k aik seedhay saday afsanay k baray main shakook-0-shubhat aur ibham jaisay alfaz istaimal kiay gae.afsanay ko jaisay shooroo kia gaya aur jaisay is ka ikhtatam hoa wo is afsanay ki requirement thi.is afsany main ibham aur shakook-0-shubhat paida hoe to afsanay k ikhtamam per wo sub door ho gae.is k liay zaheen ya chalak qari ki behes main pernay ki zaroorat hi nahin. aik puranay mozoo ko achay andaz main paish kernay ki koshish ki gae hay. umeed hay ainda hamain mazeed accha afsana pernay ko milay ga
dr zagham abidi
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jooni
sukhanshanas
Posts: 480
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Post by jooni on Dec 11, 2008 21:04:48 GMT 5
Waqar Sahib, Nihayat umdah afsana hai.
DaaD qubool kijiye.
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