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Post by saeed on Jun 17, 2008 4:29:41 GMT 5
Atif saheb,
Pehley to der se feedback ki mazrat!
Buhut achi ghazal hai aur maaqta buhut jaandar hai.
Yeh sochta hooN kisi ka jahaan tha maiN bhi Kisi zameeN ka kabhi aasmaan tha maiN bhi Waahhh!
‘Bhi’ ki radeef nibhana aasan nahen hota lekin aapney kafi mehnat ki hai is ghazal ko snwarney mein.
Is sher mein aapney hindi ke lafz ‘uRaan’ ke sath izafat lagayi hai: Yeh kis nay nauch lieay mairay baal-o-per Atif! BaRay sakooN say mehw-e-uRaan tha maiN bhi
Amooman Izafat farsi ya arabi ke alfaaz ke sath lagayi jaati hai. Is pe kisi ustaad se mashwara lelijyega.
Ye sher hasil-e-ghazal hai
Khud apni zaat kay asraar bhi samajh na saka Keh apnay wastay ik imtihaan tha maiN bhi Wahhh…Kiya baat hai!
Aik achi ghazal pe dheron daad!
Saeed
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 17, 2008 12:38:28 GMT 5
Atif saheb,
Pehley to der se feedback ki mazrat!
Buhut achi ghazal hai aur maaqta buhut jaandar hai.
Yeh sochta hooN kisi ka jahaan tha maiN bhi Kisi zameeN ka kabhi aasmaan tha maiN bhi Waahhh!
?Bhi? ki radeef nibhana aasan nahen hota lekin aapney kafi mehnat ki hai is ghazal ko snwarney mein.
Is sher mein aapney hindi ke lafz ?uRaan? ke sath izafat lagayi hai: Yeh kis nay nauch lieay mairay baal-o-per Atif! BaRay sakooN say mehw-e-uRaan tha maiN bhi
Amooman Izafat farsi ya arabi ke alfaaz ke sath lagayi jaati hai. Is pe kisi ustaad se mashwara lelijyega.
Ye sher hasil-e-ghazal hai
Khud apni zaat kay asraar bhi samajh na saka Keh apnay wastay ik imtihaan tha maiN bhi Wahhh?Kiya baat hai!
Aik achi ghazal pe dheron daad!
Saeed Adaa SaaeeN! Yaqeenan baes-e-takheer kuchh ho ga! Maazrat qabool shud. Maqtay ki itni jaandaar taareef ka bahut shukriya. Bhi ka radeef bus ik kaifiat ka shakhsana hai, 21/22 March 2000 ko likhi gayee yeh ghazal meri uss waqt ki tanhayyoN ki numaainda hai.
Mehw-e-uRaan kay baaray maiN arz hai keh jab tamaam alfaaz muwarrid kiayay jaa chukay haiN aur Arabi aur Farsi kay qawaid apnaay jaa chukay haiN tau iss maiN koi aib nahiN reh jaata, yeh ghazal tanqeed kay liay maiN paish kar chuka hooN aur kayee asaatiza ki nazar say guzar kar paas ho chuki hai. Aap ka nukta-e-e'traaz aik lihaz say bajaa hai keh agar hum 1710 AD maiN hotay tau shayed yeh izaafat qabil-e-taazeer hoti. Yeh bhi qabil-e-zikr hai Saeed Bhai keh hum nay kissi zaban say khud alfaaz mustaar nahiN liay balkeh alfaaz nay apni baqaa kay liay hijrat ki aur apni asl zaban kay ilaawa Urdu maiN bhi shehriyat ikhtiyaar kar li. Issi tarah agar qawaaneen bhi hum apnaa chukay haiN tau unn alfaaz ko bhi hum unn qawaaneen kay teht istemaal kar saktay haiN, Bilkul issi tarah jaisay aap nay Austrailia maiN sheriyat ikhtiar ki hai, wahaN aap nay kuch unn ka apnaya uar kissi ko aap nay Pakistan ki muaashrat maiN dhaal liya ho ga. Umeed hai keh aap meray inn nikaat ko tasleem ka rutba inayat farmaaeiN gay.
Aap kay mutabiq HaSil-e-Ghazal bhi theek hai, meray mutabiq yeh hai:-
UkhaR phaiNka mujhay raah chalnay waloN nay MaiN saNg-e-meel thaa, rastoN ki jaan tha maiN bhi
Daad kay liay mamnoon hooN. DuaoN maiN yaad rakhiay ga. Diyar-e-Ghair maiN Allah aap ka Hami-o-NaSir ho, Aameen.
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jooni
sukhanshanas
Posts: 480
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Post by jooni on Feb 26, 2009 20:00:06 GMT 5
Boht hi khoob Atif Bhai. Waaaahhhhh.
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Post by Atif Mirza on Mar 15, 2009 18:44:06 GMT 5
Boht hi khoob Atif Bhai. Waaaahhhhh. Jooni Bhai zarra nawazi hai aap ki.
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