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Post by Atif Mirza on Oct 18, 2007 17:15:13 GMT 5
HAALAAT KA SHAVING RAZOR Aaj kal Nasri Sha'eri ko bunyaad bana kar jis tarah sha'eri ki hajamat ki jati hai, ussay madd-e-nazar rakhtay huway apnay ustra' aasa qalam say sha'eri ki taza shave paish-i-khidmat hai:-Apnay kamray maiN aik roz MaiN tanha Baitha soach raha tha Apnay mustaqbil kay baray maiN Aisay hi sochoN maiN ghaltaN-o-paichaN tha Keh aik dam aik baat per chonk utha, Baat thi kia bus dhoka tha Kamray maiN gardish karti huwi nazraiN Baath room kay darwazay say andar dakhil huwieeN Aur aik jaga ja kar ruk gaeeN Main nay dekha Bath room maiN shelf kay ooper Rakha tha shaving ka saamaan Uss per meri nazraiN thehr gaeeN!! Ghaur say dekha Uss saamaan say shaving razor jhank raha tha Uss ko daikh kay zehn maiN ik bijli kaundi Keh Haalaat ka shaving razor Mairay armaanoN ko jaisay Chehray kay baaloN ki tarah Bay dardi say Kaat raha ho!!!! Kaat raha ho!!!!ATIF MIRZA
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Oct 18, 2007 23:54:35 GMT 5
Atif Mirza sahib Aap nay kisi rad e amal main nazm kahi bahar haal aik takhayul is nasri nazm main jhank raha hay aur wohi takhayul aap kay sha,yr honay ki daleel hay
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Post by Atif Mirza on Oct 19, 2007 6:48:34 GMT 5
Atif Mirza sahib Aap nay kisi rad e amal main nazm kahi bahar haal aik takhayul is nasri nazm main jhank raha hay aur wohi takhayul aap kay sha,yr honay ki daleel hay Rafi Sahib Yeh nazm maiN nay 1988 maiN kahi thi, aur rdd-e-amal ka aap ko khoob andaza ho sakta hai keh uss daur maiN naay sha'eroN per iss ka jadoo sar charh kar bol raha tha abb humaiN yeh baat khwah-makhwah lagti thi maiN nay yeh intiqamia nazm ghar mari. YahaN bhi iss kay radd-e-amal kay baray maiN achhi tarah andaza ho ga aap ko. Kuch roz pehlay Haiko likhnay baitha tau 15 minuts maiN koi 6-7 Haiko keh daleeN, issi taraH nasri nazm kehnz bhi koi mushkil nahiN. Rozana aik kitab jogi nasri sha'eri tau ki ja sakti hai. Mairay hisab say yeh aik bachgana khwahish ka shakhsana hoti hai! Khas taur per yeh nazm main nay pehlay noak palak durust kar kay issay Mazahia Azad Nazm bana dala tha magar phir yeh nasri na reh jati lihaza iss kay wazan maiN bigar paida kar kay issay nasr kay khutoot per istada kia gaya. Tareef aur achay khayal ka shukriya Khair Andaish
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Post by khalid on Oct 19, 2007 22:59:29 GMT 5
atif sb aapki nasri nazm peRhi. maiN kuch confused hooN. haalaNke khayal to bahar haal achha hai lehin fan,ni lehaaz se ye aazaad shaaeri bhi nahiN lgti. kyuNke us meiN bhi behr ka bahar haal khayaal rakhha jaata hai. ya shayad roman ki wajah se wazn nahin nazar aa raha. aapko khayaal ki had tak daad de sakta hooN. lekin sochta hooN k jab aap isko manzoom kerne ki salaahiyat bhi rakhte haiN, to phir is sinf meiN kehne ki kya fan,ni wajah ho sakti hai. shaaeri ki aisee shave kerne waale to aur bhi bohot haiN! aap apni tavanaiiyaN yahaN kyuN zaaya ferma rahey haiN
aapke javab ka muntazir o dua go!
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Post by Atif Mirza on Oct 24, 2007 20:36:57 GMT 5
Khalid Sahib! 1988 main yeh nazm baqaida behr maiN likhi gaee thi magar aik dost kay mashwaray per maiN nay issay nasri andaz maiN tabdeel kia! YahaN yeh asl maiN nasri shaeri ka tareeqa-e-waridaat dikhanay kay liay paish ki gai. Aur aap jantay hi haiN keh maiN bazaat-e-khud nasri saeri ko shaeri manta hi nahiN hooN. Iss ka maqsad wazeh ho ga yeh thread parh kar: - sukhanwar.proboards100.com/index.cgi?board=fikrenau&action=display&thread=1191901600(Click the link and read "A case of azaad/nacri poetry" by brijinder) Yeh nazm tanzan likhy gayee hai! Umeed hai keh ab is ka maqsad wazeh ho gaya ho ga! Shukriya! Allah aap ka hami-o-nasir ho!
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Post by khalid on Oct 25, 2007 6:28:55 GMT 5
Khalid Sahib! 1988 main yeh nazm baqaida behr maiN likhi gaee thi magar aik dost kay mashwaray per maiN nay issay nasri andaz maiN tabdeel kia! YahaN yeh asl maiN nasri shaeri ka tareeqa-e-waridaat dikhanay kay liay paish ki gai. Aur aap jantay hi haiN keh maiN bazaat-e-khud nasri saeri ko shaeri manta hi nahiN hooN. Iss ka maqsad wazeh ho ga yeh thread parh kar: - sukhanwar.proboards100.com/index.cgi?board=fikrenau&action=display&thread=1191901600(Click the link and read "A case of azaad/nacri poetry" by brijinder) Yeh nazm tanzan likhy gayee hai! Umeed hai keh ab is ka maqsad wazeh ho gaya ho ga! Shukriya! Allah aap ka hami-o-nasir ho! intehaii maazrat khvaah hooN aatif sb. maiN samajh raha tha k shayad aap bhi is sinf e be baal o be per , be samar o be acer, be vazn o be beher, bina maN o be pider, bina haraarat k shams o bina roshnee ke qamar ko mustanad fermaane ki saii e nakaam ker rahey haiN.[/b] maiN guzishta kam se kam teen baras sey is be mantaq deevaar se ser phoR raha hooN [/color]
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Post by Atif Mirza on Oct 25, 2007 17:30:04 GMT 5
Khalid Sahib! Allah na karay keh maiN nasri shaeri ki himayat karoooN. Mairay munh maiN khak jo maiN aisy shaeri zaban say nikalooN.
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Post by Atif Mirza on May 14, 2008 19:33:29 GMT 5
Nasri shaeri ko ab tak maiN shaeri tasleem nahiN karta.
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Post by ramishjaan on May 24, 2008 23:22:14 GMT 5
AOA atif sahib aj bazm ki seer karte karte achanik aik unwan par nazr parhi AIk nasri nazm jis ke sath aik bohat mutbar name Atif mirza likha howa tha par nazr pari jis ke sath aik bohat moutbar name atif mirza likha howa tha so be had tajasusu mujhe yahan le aya .... bohat maazrat chahte howe mujhe ap ke is thred se bohat sare ikhtlefat hain mera maqsad ap ki shaieri ke bare me kuch nahi kehna kion ke me to khud aik tifle maktab ho,n kisi ki shaieri par keya raye de sakta ho,n atta ho,n apne un maqasad ki jainb jinho ne mujhe yeh tehreer likhne par mayel kiya ..
is bazm me meri ap ki pehli mulaqat meri aik mukhtasir si nazm par hoi thi jis par ap ne likha tha ke ap nasri nazm par apni raye dena hi nahi pasand karte our ap ko haq hasil tha je jumla kehne ka mujhe aetraz is bat par he ke wo kam jis par ap apni qeemti raye tak dena pasand nahi karte wo kam ap ne khud kion kiya chahe mizah me kiya chahe intqam me kiya chahe kisi bhi wajha se kiya ap ne nasri nazm to likhi aur use aik adbi fourm par share bhi kiya ............... mujhe ap ke nasri nazm likhne par koi aetraz nahi na heerangi he aetraz aur herangi ap ke tarz par he ke ap ke qoul yeh he ke ap nasri nazm par kuch bhi likhna munasib nahi smajhte dosri taraf ap intqaman nasri nazm bhi likhte hain aur use adbi fourm par pessh bhi karte hain ................................ umeed he ap mere itne heerat zada ho jane par naraz nahi ho,n ge aur na hi is thereer ko kisi bhi lehaz se ap koi intqaman ja muandaana tehreer samjeh ge me duaa go ho,n ke ap acha likhe aur bohat acha likhe ameen suma ameen magar wohi likhe jo ap kehte hain waslam mukhlis ramishjaan
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