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Post by saeed on Jun 17, 2008 6:19:36 GMT 5
eik taza ghazal jo ho rahi hai....dostoNki nazr... Ab na khwahish na kisi khwaab ka reisha dil meiN Phir bhi ek dard sa rehta hai hameisha dil meiN Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN YuN to rehta hai masihaouN ka aana jaana Humne rakha usi qatil ko hameisha dil meiN Be-dili ab ke muhabbat meiN ajab hai ke Saeed Khauf jeeney ka na marney ka undesha dil meiN Izafa: Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 17, 2008 12:03:24 GMT 5
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 17, 2008 12:36:33 GMT 5
Lijiay Saeed Bhai! aap ki ghazal compose kar kay laga di hai. Bahut achhchhi ghazal hai, daad bhi qabool kijiay. Bus aik naqs meHsoos ho raha hai woh hai aakhri sher maiN lafz "Andaisha" theek wazan maiN nahiN aa raha hai. Iss ka "noon" aap kay mutabiq "noon ghunnaa" maiN badal raha hai jo keh lafz ko wazan say kharij kar raha hai. Ba-raah-e-karam iss nuktay ki wazahat farma dijiay. taakeh meri uljhan door ho. Umeed hai keh iss nuktay ko tanqeed baraay tanqeed nahiN gardaanaa jaay ga. Jawab ka intizaar rahay ga.
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Post by saeedsaeed on Jun 17, 2008 14:56:53 GMT 5
AOA YAR SAEED JEETY RAHO SADA YAR MZA A A JATA HY THUAMRA KALAM PARH KAY AUR HAMEEHSA KHUCH NA KHUC SEEKHNY KO MILTA HAY MISROO KI BUNATA UR LAFZOO KA ISTAMAL ...WAHH YA WAHH ? KIYA BAT HY, MZA A A GAYA AUR KHAS TOOR PAR YE SHARE TO DILLLL MEIN UTTAR GYA
Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein
DUWA GOO THUMARA BAHI Mubashir saeed
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Post by nadeem on Jun 17, 2008 15:11:21 GMT 5
dear saeed bahut achi ghazal hai aur nazar aa raha hai k ideal ka lab o lehja bhi apni pori chamak kay sath maujood hai yoon to sab ashaar achay haen khas taur par yeh sher
Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein
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Post by Rafi Tabasum on Jun 18, 2008 0:16:00 GMT 5
eik taza ghazal jo ho rahi hai....dostoNki nazr... Ab na khwahish na kisi khwaab ka reisha dil meiN Phir bhi ek dard sa rehta hai hameisha dil meiN Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN YuN to rehta hai masihaouN ka aana jaana Humne rakha usi qatil ko hameisha dil meiN Be-dili ab ke muhabbat meiN ajab hai ke Saeed Khauf jeeney ka na marney ka undesha dil meiN Izafa: Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein Khoobsoorat Ghazal Saeed sahib qafia munfarid magar qafia tang lagta hay aap ki qaderulkalami is tang qafiay par bhi qaabu pa lay gi maiN Atif Mirza sahib say ittefaaq nahi karta lafz Andesha bilkul theek lagta hay
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Post by saeed on Jun 18, 2008 7:15:00 GMT 5
Lijiay Saeed Bhai! aap ki ghazal compose kar kay laga di hai. Bahut achhchhi ghazal hai, daad bhi qabool kijiay. Bus aik naqs meHsoos ho raha hai woh hai aakhri sher maiN lafz "Andaisha" theek wazan maiN nahiN aa raha hai. Iss ka "noon" aap kay mutabiq "noon ghunnaa" maiN badal raha hai jo keh lafz ko wazan say kharij kar raha hai. Ba-raah-e-karam iss nuktay ki wazahat farma dijiay. taakeh meri uljhan door ho. Umeed hai keh iss nuktay ko tanqeed baraay tanqeed nahiN gardaanaa jaay ga. Jawab ka intizaar rahay ga.
Aatif mian, Buhut nawazish ke aapney is ghazal ko Urdu mein khubsoorati se compose kerke post kiya! Aapney lafz ‘Andeisha’ ke hawaley se acha point uthaya hai. Merey mehdood ilm ke mutabiq lafz ‘andeisha’ mein noon sakin hai aur adayegi aisey he hai jesey lafz ‘Andaaz’ mein. Jahan tak baat wazan ki hai, agar ‘andeisha’ ko noon elieheda kerkey ‘an deisha’ paRha jaye to phir misera wazan se kharij ho sakta hai. Be-dili ab ke muhabbat meiN ajab hai ke Saeed Khauf jeeney ka na marney ka andeisha dil meiN Baher-soorat, yahaN forum meiN buhut se aisey dost haiN jinki nazar zubaan aur bahoor pe mujh se kahen ziadeh gehri hai. Mein bhi aapki tarah khuley dilse dostoNkey ilm se mustafeed hona chahata hooN. Ghazal ki pazeerayi keliye bhi buhut mashkoor hoon! Khush rahen, Saeed
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Post by saeed on Jun 18, 2008 7:27:00 GMT 5
AOA YAR SAEED JEETY RAHO SADA YAR MZA A A JATA HY THUAMRA KALAM PARH KAY AUR HAMEEHSA KHUCH NA KHUC SEEKHNY KO MILTA HAY MISROO KI BUNATA UR LAFZOO KA ISTAMAL ...WAHH YA WAHH ? KIYA BAT HY, MZA A A GAYA AUR KHAS TOOR PAR YE SHARE TO DILLLL MEIN UTTAR GYA Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein DUWA GOO THUMARA BAHI Mubashir saeed Mubasher Tum ne 'yar saeed' kaha to buhut acha laga! ...mein ne kisi zamaney mein ‘yar saeed’ sha-erana naam ke tor pe bhi socha tha… lekin kisi kahtoon ne mana ker diya tha…J Ghazal pasand kerney ka buhut shukriya….mein khud talib-e-ilm hoon aur Dostonki hosla afzai se tawanayi milti hai. Buhut nawazish! TUMHARA Saeed
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Post by saeed on Jun 18, 2008 7:28:23 GMT 5
dear saeed bahut achi ghazal hai aur nazar aa raha hai k ideal ka lab o lehja bhi apni pori chamak kay sath maujood hai yoon to sab ashaar achay haen khas taur par yeh sher Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein Nadeem, Aapki mubbat bhai daad keliye buhut mashkoor hoon. Khush rahen. Saeed
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Post by saeed on Jun 18, 2008 7:32:15 GMT 5
eik taza ghazal jo ho rahi hai....dostoNki nazr... Ab na khwahish na kisi khwaab ka reisha dil meiN Phir bhi ek dard sa rehta hai hameisha dil meiN Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN YuN to rehta hai masihaouN ka aana jaana Humne rakha usi qatil ko hameisha dil meiN Be-dili ab ke muhabbat meiN ajab hai ke Saeed Khauf jeeney ka na marney ka undesha dil meiN Izafa: Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein Khoobsoorat Ghazal Saeed sahib qafia munfarid magar qafia tang lagta hay aap ki qaderulkalami is tang qafiay par bhi qaabu pa lay gi maiN Atif Mirza sahib say ittefaaq nahi karta lafz Andesha bilkul theek lagta hay Rafi bhai, Buhut nawazish. Aapne aur Razi bhai ne mehfil he aisi sajayi hai ke likhney aur share ko ji karta hai. Mamnoon. Saeed
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noshi
ibtidaai rukn
Posts: 31
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Post by noshi on Jun 18, 2008 9:20:23 GMT 5
[glow=red,2,300]Saeed,
Aik bar phir anokhey mehsoosat shaerana jamal ke sathis ghazal ko sanwartey hein...Mubarak !
Aik guzarish is sher ke hawaley se ,
Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN
Ye sher be.shak be.had jazabiyat rakhta hai lakin iss main jo aapney "be-khaanmaN reit" ka mufarid khial bandha hai...hai tuo khu, lakin "reit "apney hi ghar main "be.khannman" kesey ho gaee...Sehra tuo iska ghar hai na!
Apney khad o khal main ye sher sada o pur.asar hai,
Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan! hameisha dil mein
Noshi[/glow]
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Post by saeed on Jun 20, 2008 4:58:19 GMT 5
[glow=red,2,300]Saeed,
Aik bar phir anokhey mehsoosat shaerana jamal ke sathis ghazal ko sanwartey hein...Mubarak !
Aik guzarish is sher ke hawaley se ,
Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN
Ye sher be.shak be.had jazabiyat rakhta hai lakin iss main jo aapney "be-khaanmaN reit" ka mufarid khial bandha hai...hai tuo khu, lakin "reit "apney hi ghar main "be.khannman" kesey ho gaee...Sehra tuo iska ghar hai na!
Apney khad o khal main ye sher sada o pur.asar hai,
Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan! hameisha dil mein
Noshi[/glow] Noshi,
Ghazal aapko pasand aayi, aur mein is pazeerayi keliye buhut mamnoon hoon.
Jahan tak is sher ka taaluq hai: Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN
Mein Hazarey ke pahaRoN ka pala baRha hoon aur mujhey (yaqeen ki had tak) khadsha tha ke koe-na-koe sehraa-parast is pe aitaraz zaroor karega...
"be-khaanmaN reit" is liye kaha hai keh sehraa beshak aapkeliye reit ka ghar sahi lekin hai to sehraa he. aur phir reit to azal se be-khaanmaN hai ke eik jageh thehrti he kab hai.
Lekin is misery se sehraa ya reit ki be-hurmati qatan maqsood nahen!!!
Daad ka buhut shukriya.
Saeed
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 20, 2008 8:21:12 GMT 5
AOA YAR SAEED JEETY RAHO SADA YAR MZA A A JATA HY THUAMRA KALAM PARH KAY AUR HAMEEHSA KHUCH NA KHUC SEEKHNY KO MILTA HAY MISROO KI BUNATA UR LAFZOO KA ISTAMAL ...WAHH YA WAHH ? KIYA BAT HY, MZA A A GAYA AUR KHAS TOOR PAR YE SHARE TO DILLLL MEIN UTTAR GYA Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan hameisha dil mein DUWA GOO THUMARA BAHI Mubashir saeed Mubasher Tum ne 'yar saeed' kaha to buhut acha laga! ...mein ne kisi zamaney mein ?yar saeed? sha-erana naam ke tor pe bhi socha tha? lekin kisi kahtoon ne mana ker diya tha?J Ghazal pasand kerney ka buhut shukriya?.mein khud talib-e-ilm hoon aur Dostonki hosla afzai se tawanayi milti hai. Buhut nawazish! TUMHARA Saeed Saeed Bhai un khaatoon ka hamari taraf say bhi shukriya adaa kar dijiay ga! UnhoN nay kuch achhchha hi soch kar aap ko "Yar Saeed" likhnay say manaa kia ho ga! Aur aap bhi durust faislay ki wajah say daad kay haqdaar haiN. Ha Ha Ha.......................
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Post by Atif Mirza on Jun 20, 2008 8:29:20 GMT 5
[glow=red,2,300]Saeed,
Aik bar phir anokhey mehsoosat shaerana jamal ke sathis ghazal ko sanwartey hein...Mubarak !
Aik guzarish is sher ke hawaley se ,
Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN
Ye sher be.shak be.had jazabiyat rakhta hai lakin iss main jo aapney "be-khaanmaN reit" ka mufarid khial bandha hai...hai tuo khu, lakin "reit "apney hi ghar main "be.khannman" kesey ho gaee...Sehra tuo iska ghar hai na!
Apney khad o khal main ye sher sada o pur.asar hai,
Usney aankhoN meiN jageh di hai to kiya kam hai Saeed kaun rakhta hai meri jaan! hameisha dil mein
Noshi[/glow] Noshi,
Ghazal aapko pasand aayi, aur mein is pazeerayi keliye buhut mamnoon hoon.
Jahan tak is sher ka taaluq hai: Kohkan aur terey sehraouN ki be-khaanmaN reit Khub gaya phir se terey hijr ka teisha dil meiN
Mein Hazarey ke pahaRoN ka pala baRha hoon aur mujhey (yaqeen ki had tak) khadsha tha ke koe-na-koe sehraa-parast is pe aitaraz zaroor karega...
"be-khaanmaN reit" is liye kaha hai keh sehraa beshak aapkeliye reit ka ghar sahi lekin hai to sehraa he. aur phir reit to azal se be-khaanmaN hai ke eik jageh thehrti he kab hai.
Lekin is misery se sehraa ya reit ki be-hurmati qatan maqsood nahen!!!
Daad ka buhut shukriya.
Saeed Saeed bhai maiN aap say ittefaaq karta hooN keh reit hamaisha bay khaanmaaN hi rehti hai. Pakistan kay donoN baRay SeHraaoN say wastaa paR chuka hai. "Thar" kay SeHraa maiN taqreeban saaRhay chhar baras aur "Cholistaan" kay SeHraa maiN taqreeban daiRh baras guzar chukaa hooN. Rait ko hamaisha aawaraa hi dekha hai, keh jaisay uss kay liay sakooN maHaal kia gaya hai. Aap ka sher maanvi e'tibaar say bilkul durust hai.
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Post by saeed on Jun 21, 2008 13:34:27 GMT 5
Mubasher Tum ne 'yar saeed' kaha to buhut acha laga! ...mein ne kisi zamaney mein ?yar saeed? sha-erana naam ke tor pe bhi socha tha? lekin kisi kahtoon ne mana ker diya tha?J Ghazal pasand kerney ka buhut shukriya?.mein khud talib-e-ilm hoon aur Dostonki hosla afzai se tawanayi milti hai. Buhut nawazish! TUMHARA Saeed Saeed Bhai un khaatoon ka hamari taraf say bhi shukriya adaa kar dijiay ga! UnhoN nay kuch achhchha hi soch kar aap ko "Yar Saeed" likhnay say manaa kia ho ga! Aur aap bhi durust faislay ki wajah say daad kay haqdaar haiN. Ha Ha Ha.......................Atif Mian, Nawazish- aapka shukriya qehqahey sameit puncha diya gaya hai...... ;D
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